Jared didn’t tell me much, but some things don’t need to be said to scream loudly the moment you look at someone.
There were a few moments when I tried to talk to him, to suggest different options, including divorce, but Jared quickly shut me down, changed the subject or refused to answer at all.
No matter how I tried, gently or bluntly, most of his answers sounded more or less like this: if I leave Mark I’ll be left with nothing, he won’t let me go, he’ll destroy me, I’ll disappear from the face of the earth if I try to oppose him, I’ll end up back in the hands of bad people again, so there’s no other option.
It is hard for me to bear it when I see Jared clench his teeth and suffer, and I cannot do anything about it, which is why that visit left me with a bittersweet feeling, warmed only by little Tommy, who is an adorable child and thankfully took after his dad completely with his white blond hair and green eyes.
Now the academic year is beginning, and I have no idea that someone will appear on my campus, not just anyone but… Bay.
I stare at the poster showing him with his band, I see Malik there as well, he looks good, the two of them together on stage always make people speculate about some kind of romance, and ever since Cosmo left the band, people have been pairing them nonstop. Malik is very attractive with his dark skin and beautiful face, he looks absolutely stunning and creates a striking contrast next to Bay’s pale skin and red hair.
Fans have all kinds of conspiracy theories about their secret romance, but I hate reading about them because it drives sharp blades of jealousy straight into my heart.
"I will beat you someday, Malik," I whisper, "I will get Bay back, that day is coming."
Bay looks incredible on that poster, and I stare at his flawless face for a long moment.
Should I go to that concert tomorrow, or skip it to avoid sinking deeper into frustration, knowing that so much time still has to pass before he and I can even touch each other again?
Yet the thought of that concert will not leave me alone, and that night I toss and turn, and every time I close my eyes flashes of memories from almost ten years ago come back, that easy closeness between us, his touch that was always so gentle, his eyes on me full of love as if I were his entire world, and I truly believed I was.
It’s him who still stars in my sexual fantasies, Bay rules them completely, only him. I let myself drift into a short daydream right there, curled up in my nest.
I imagine sneaking backstage disguised as one of his fans while he is drunk.
All right, maybe I went overboard with that vision, that is already a bit too much.
Okay, let’s restart. I sneak backstage and he is high…
Enough, Alex, with these non-con visions.
Again: I wait behind the stage disguised as someone else, maybe I wear a mask, yes, I have heard about those advanced masks that can change a face, I seduce him and he does not recognize me, he treats me like just a horny groupie instead and pushes me down, forcing himself between my thighs. Even such a short vision of us being close again sends shivers of pleasure through my body.
If we were to live together again, after nine years, would the everyday passion we shared return with the same intensity? Judging by what I feel when I think about us fucking again, free from the effects of incompatibility, I’m optimistic. I have to wrap my hand around my cock and bring myself to release quickly, because my whole body hungers for him, desperate to be his again.
In the morning I dress as nicely as I can, I even apply a bit of makeup, which is practically unheard of for me, adding a little more pink to my lips and a slightly darker coat of mascara to my lashes.
I am twenty-seven and I still look young, but probably not eighteen, so I decide to help my looks a little. I smooth my hair, which still reaches my shoulders like always, that has always been my style.
Once ready, I head to the campus.
Of course I rush straight into the building so I can watch from the windows as people gather on the huge lawn behind the main complex, the place where the stage has been set.
The concert starts in an hour but I am already here, and I have a spot that is worth envying, the windows of the staff room overlook the lawn, so it feels like having a private VIP booth.
In the meantime I exchange a few words with Professor Martin, since my PhD is entering its crucial phase, the defense is coming soon and there are still a few matters I need to take care of before finalizing everything.
By the time I finish talking to him, the concert is practically beginning, so I brew myself some coffee and stand at the window. My heart is beating so fast, because even though I have seen so many recordings of his concerts, I have never seen him live since we broke up.
It is the perfect moment, Bay steps onto the stage, raises his hands and claps above his head while the crowd responds in kind. He throws out a few words of welcome, and I stare at him, his silhouette small on the stage, but the big screen shows his face clearly and up close.
All these years Bay has grown braver and more confident on stage, he used to be so nervous, but now you cannot see any of that, this is just another day in his life. He performs many concerts throughout the year, mostly local events, although sometimes he goes on tour across the States, gaining new fans, because his talent is undeniable and people love his four-octave voice.
And on top of that his aura, mysterious and basically solitary, sparks all kinds of rumors about what his sex life looks like.
He never confirms anything and never denies it either, which only fuels everything even more. I have seen a few interviews with nosy reporters, sometimes downright intrusive, but Bay navigates their questions skillfully, never offering specifics.
As far as I know he has never had any official relationship, yes, people always paired him with Cosmo, and later with Malik, but I suspect that if he had any other handsome second vocalist alongside him, fans would pair him with that guy too, that is simply how band dynamics work.
