Jared ignores me, only shrugs and keeps staring into his phone.
For some time now, I have had no control over him whatsoever. It is a miracle he has even advanced to the fourth year of high school.
I can’t influence him in any legally binding way either, because a year ago Jared filed for emancipation, not wanting to face the prospect of having to ask our granddad for anything. He can make his own decisions now. If he wants to leave the house,he can, and I can’t stop him because of his status as a legally independent minor.
I prepare a few slices of bread with chopped egg, radish, and lettuce and set them in front of him.
He doesn’t say anything. His celadon-green eyes stay fixed on his phone screen.
"Don’t you have a quiz this week? The system says there’s a history test."
Jared doesn’t answer.
"Can you respond when I’m talking to you?" I snap, irritated.
He gives me a bored look.
"Sometimes you’re exhausting, you know. You should find yourself a boyfriend or something, you’re clearly missing some dick."
I freeze and stare at him.
"Jared, what is going on with you lately, you’ve become downright rude."
Silence.
"And your grades are terrible. I have no idea how you’re even going to finish high school."
Jared shoots me a look and says, "I met this guy from a modeling agency and he told me I have good potential and can come in for a test shoot."
"Jared, you’re still very young and that business is pretty… predatory. A lot of young models get exploited and treated badly."
He snorts. "I’m not a virgin anymore, in case you didn’t know! If I have to fuck a few guys to get a good contract then why not?"
I stare at him, unable to believe what he is saying.
"Do you hear yourself, Jared? That is not the life you want! Sleeping with guys in exchange for a vague contract? Repeat thatsentence in your head one more time and think about whether it makes sense."
Jared pushes the untouched plate of sandwiches away and stands up, throwing his backpack over his shoulder.
He tosses casually as he walks out, "Don’t wait up for me tonight, I’m going to a party."
"Jared, you should tell me where you’re going, some kind of contact…"
But he doesn’t say anything, just leaves and slams the door.
I press my forehead to my clasped hands. I want to cry. I am failing on every possible front of my life.
What a fucking disaster…
I don’t have anyone close, I have lost Bay, my dad, I am unfit as Jared’s guardian, and I don’t even know who my father is.
Glancing at the medicine cabinet, I feel its pull, a few steps and… I have gathered enough sleeping pills in there to end this damn life once and for all.
Is there really no one who cares about me?
I haven’t seen Bay in more than two years.
Has he forgotten about me?
