For a moment I can’t piece anything together, for a moment I float in blissful ignorance.
I look to the left and see my dad asleep in the pull-out chair beside me, his hand holding mine.
I look to the right, and on the pull-out chair on my other side my father is also asleep, and his hand is also holding mine.
My heart tightens with awful grief, because I know I’m about to cause them unbearable pain with what I have to do, with what I can’t escape. I look at their faces, they came here, they found me, they care, but what does it change? My life ended, period.
Very carefully, I slip my hands out of their grip.
I pull the IV out of my arm. I look at the bandages. Not needed, not needed!
Moving with extreme caution, I slide off the bed near its legs so I don’t bump into my parents.
I’m wearing this ridiculous hospital gown, but it doesn’t matter.
I walk into the hallway; it must be late at night because it’s completely silent. There's none of the usual noise or nurses’ footsteps. They're probably napping in the break room. I walk down the corridor slowly, looking around; rooms everywhere with sleeping patients, and after a moment I reach the visitors’ area.
It’s big and empty too.
This is where I find windows that can be opened. I look down; the height is enough.
I place my hands on the handle and turn it, clenching my jaw tightly. Whatever's filling me is impossible to describe, so I won’t even try. I swing the window open and start climbing onto the ledge, but then I hear rapid footsteps behind me.
I try to throw myself forward, but a hand grabs the fabric on my back and yanks me down.
I hit the floor, cursing under my breath, only to turn my head in disbelief and see… Ennio.
What the fuck?
I stare for a moment because he’s a complete breach in my reality; he doesn’t fit this situation at all, like someone from another universe.
"What do you think you’re doing?" he spits the words out.
"Looking for a way to worm out of the fight you’ve got in two weeks?" he says, narrowing his eyes darkly, folding his arms across his chest.
It’s almost funny, what he said, like I would care about some stupid fights. But I don’t laugh, because laughter stopped existing in my world.
"Alex and I are incompatible," I say in a numb voice.
Silence.
Ennio stares at me without moving, his eyes black like a shark’s.
So I add, "And it’s not the kind of case you can smother with suppressants, it’s also aversion to touch…" my voice weakens, drops… "I can’t exist without him, and I won’t, you won’t be able to stop me," I state firmly.
Ennio leans down toward me, grabs my gown by the chest and says sharply, up close,
"You better pull yourself together or I’ll find a way to keep you alive whether you want it or not."
I snort.
"Do you care that much about those fights? Those stupid fucking fights? There are bigger things in life!"
Something shifts in Ennio’s face.
"I don’t care about them that much."
"Then why do you care whether I live or not, leave me alone, just let me die, you cold fucker!"
