“I promise.”
A stare burns the side of my head, I turn and find Heath staring at me. He’s sitting next to Sebastian who’s also watching me, worry thick in his eyes. He hasn’t spoken to me yet but I know he wants to. He sends me a smile and I return it.
Heath scowls hard, so I shoot him a smile too and his features lose their tightness.
“Which cheek hurts?” Marie asks quietly which is so unlike her.
I point my left cheek and she gazes at it.
“I didn’t even notice it looks extra red today. I thought it was your natural blush,” she says. “It stings, doesn’t it?”
“A little, but it’s okay.”
Marie squeezes my hand. “Stop saying it’s okay because it’s not. You don’t have to pretend. None of this is okay. It’s all wrong, and I hate it.”
Her sentiment tugs my heart strings. I used to think that at the beginning when it happened the first few times. I couldn’t come to terms with it and kept thinking how wrong it was. As time passed, and Dad crossed more lines I just realized that itdidn’t matter whether I thought it was right or wrong. All that mattered was how I could be strong and make it through each day. Just trying to be okay so I can survive each day.
I knew what fear felt like because I had watched him abuse mom most of my life. In the past months I’ve also learned how it feels like to be betrayed and have your trust broken. Parents are supposed to protect you and love you. Not hurt you until you have no tears left to cry.
And it’s not just Dad who has played with my emotions. Mom has done equal damage where I felt like I couldn’t tell anyone about what I was going through because no one would believe me.
So I know it’s not okay. Nothing that I’m dealing with is okay. But to survive I have to be okay.
“You’re right, but if I don’t pretend to be okay then I won’t be.”
Marie stares at me for a long time, as if she completely understands what I said.
Without saying anything, she hugs me and I hug her back.
Tears appear in my eyes once again but I keep them at bay. When Marie sniffles in the crook of my neck I can’t help the sob that escapes me.
We cry again and then I tell her everything from the beginning. I keep a few intimate things to myself, parts that are too ugly and horrific to share.
Heath and Sebastian also come closer and listen to me. In the middle of it, Heath sits behind me. He makes space between his legs so my back is pressed against his chest and my head is nestled nicely on his shoulder. His arms wrap around me and he cocoons me in his scent, warmth and him—everything that I like so much about him.
9
HEATH
“You okay?”Sebastian asks.
“I’m fine,” I lie. The truth is I’m far from fine. So far away from it.
Hope is talking to Marie, well, more like crying a river and babbling stuff. They haven’t had a proper conversation since Marie tackled her in a hug and refused to let go of her. I was afraid she’d suffocate my girl.
My girl.
What was I thinking when I said that?I wasn’t.
That title means she belongs to me.She is mine.
Do I even deserve her?It doesn’t matter. Because I’ll become whatever she needs me to be.
This past weekend has made me realize that I’m in big fucking trouble. Because I’m willing to go to such lengths for this person that it’s insane. No one would understand it if I tell them that this one girl has the power to make do anything.I will do anything for her without thinking a single word.
And now she is attached to me. I’m not single anymore. We’re together.
“If you frown any harder you’ll grow wrinkles.” Sebastian pipes in, his tone filled with humor.
