“I want you, Heath.” I tell him. “But because of me, you got hurt and went to jail. I can’t ever let that happen to you, because it will happen if you stay with me.”
“It wasn’t your fault. Nothing that happened is your fault.”
“But—”
“No! Don’t fucking say it. I did it because I wanted to and I will do it again.” He brushes my hair away from my face. “I have to keep you safe.”
“You don’t need to go to such lengths for me. I’m not worth it.”
“Because you’re worth far more.” He caresses my cheek. “And I’ll show it to you.”
“With me your life will be complicated.”
“I like complicated.”
“You’ll get in trouble.”
“I’m always getting into trouble.”
“You’ll get hurt.”
“I’ll heal.”
“Your feelings will change.”
“A night in the cell didn’t change a single thing so I know nothing else will.”
“My parents will hate you.”
“It doesn’t matter to me.” He kisses me. “Onlyyoumatter to me.”
“You’ll always worry about me.”
“I already do.”
“Loving me will be hard because I have anxiety. I also get panic attacks and I’m always overthinking,” I tell him all my weak points, feeling like I’ve stripped myself naked in front of him. He can see all the marks, scars and imperfections that stay hidden under clothes and put on a pretty image, but now there’s all ugliness.
It takes me a few seconds to realize that I used the wordlove.
Oh no.
What have I done?
He only likes me.
Here I am falling in love with him when he isn’t even there.
I sit up straight in his lap, still I’m short. Panic washes over me and I blurt out. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to tell you to love me. I wasn’t trying… to… I…”
I fumble so hard that I can barely form any words.
My hands shake and my heart beats so fast I feel like it’ll tear down my chest and come out.
I stare at his chest, unable to make eye contact with him. The embarrassment is so hard, red paints my face and neck and turns my skin so warm I start sweating in my cream sweater.
This is so awkward.
Heath chuckles and his chest vibrates with a deep and husky sound that pulls my attention.
