Hope: Yes.
Heath: I can come over anytime you want, Rose. You just tell me, okay. It doesn’t matter what time it is, I’ll be there for you.
Hope: You don’t have to.
Heath: I want to. So don’t think too much about it.
Hope: I can’t help it. I think a lot.
Heath: Then let me come over and distract you. I assure you, I can be a really good distraction.
Crimson red burnsmy cheeks and my entire face heats up at that message. I’m sure he didn’t mean it in the way I’ve taken it… or maybe he did. I don’t know. I’m new to this. Despite reading so many romance books and knowing about feelings like the back of my hand, I’m still clueless.
It’s the self-doubt that keeps throwing excuses at me. I know Heath likes me. He has told me himself. But after what happened on Friday night, I can’t bring myself to understand why he wants to talk to me.
Doesn’t he realize that I got him hurt? He got stabbed because of me. I cleaned his blood with my own hands hours ago. The sight crosses my mind whenever I close my eyes. I can feel my hands get wet with the stains of his blood. And the worst of it all, is that he had to go to jail because of me.
By the time I come to all these conclusions after long thinking, all I want to do is shut off my phone and go to sleep.
I need courage for tomorrow because there’s no way I’m letting Heath bear any more hurt and trouble because of me. He doesn’t deserve it. And if he stays with me, things will only getworse and he’ll get caught up in the crossfire and eventually he’ll be forced to hate me.
7
HOPE
School has never intimidated me,until today. All I want to do is run away and never come back here.
My whole body fills with dread and fear at the idea of going to school today as I make my way towards it.
I haven't even stepped into the hallways, and I’m already trembling like a leaf.
It’s Monday, meaning everybody will be there. If the news didn’t travel over the weekend, then it will today. By the end of the day, everyone will know what happened. This is a small town where people gossip and news travels fast.
My feet feel heavy and reluctant to move. I’m half convinced, I have stones in my Converse with how difficult it is to take a single step. One step. It shouldn’t be that hard.
It’s okay.
People already act like I’m invisible.
I probably won't be the headline of today.
There could be a chance they have no idea about what happened.
Like a chant, I repeat those words in my head, hoping they can give me courage. I mean, books have always helped. Why can’t my own words help me?
My phone buzzes in the back pocket of my jeans. I know it’s Heath. I just don’t have the courage to talk to him right now. Not when I’m standing ten feet away from the school building and commanding myself to enter it.
Can I miss school?
But where would I even go?
Library is my sanctuary, but Heath and my friends will find me there.
I don't want to be found.
I want to be lost.
Today more than ever I wish to be alone.
