He meets my gaze, his voice rough. “I’m not a good father. I know that. I’ve failed you and Emery countless times. I hate myself for it all. I blame myself for everything. I deserve the way you treat me, the way you talk to me, or look at me. I deserve it all.”
Tears prick at my eyes, and I resent myself for showing any emotion, any weakness to him.
For him.
But I can’t help it.
“But you’re also all I’ve got left. The one child who’s alive and well. I want to make amends, Heath. I want to make things right.”
I chuckle and shove him away from me. “Make amends? You just held me back from saving the girl I fucking love.”
He frowns. “I held you back to protect you. That man was drunk and angry. He would have hurt you to get back his daughter.”
“Now he is going to hurther,” my voice breaks. My eyes fills with tears and for the first time I feel more helpless than I ever have in my life. “I can’t fucking lose that girl. You don’t understand.”
“You just love her.”
I run a hand through my hair. “No, I don’tjustfucking love her. She is the reason why I’m a better person. She is the reason why I’m not in darkness. And she is the reason why I want to fix things between us because she believes you two really love me.”
Dad watches me and his eyes hold so much sorrow and regret. “I can save her if you stay here.”
My body goes rigid. “What?”
He takes out his phone and scrolls through it, his fingers moving quickly. “I’ll send someone there to keep an eye on things. If it gets too much, he’ll step in. But there’s one condition: you stay here. Because I know evil when I see it. I don’t want you going anywhere near him.”
I can barely get a word out. “Do you mean that?”
He pauses, glancing up at me before giving a slow nod. “You said you don’t just love her. If that’s true, then she must mean a lot to you.”
“She does.”
“Then I’ll help you but you have to listen to me.” He gives me a stern look.
It takes everything in me to not roll my eyes or give him a sharp reply.
“Can I trust you, Dad?” I ask.
He freezes at that word, his throat tightening as he gulps hard. “You always can, son.”
43
HOPE
Dad shovesme into an old car and drives us home.
The whole ride, I stay absolutely still. I can’t feel the right side of my face; it stings, but I’m numb. No tears slip past my cheeks and no sound comes out of my mouth. The pit of darkness that started growing in my stomach earlier begins to shrink, but it doesn’t go away.
I knew it.
I knew something bad was going to happen tonight. I just never expected my dad to show up at Heath’s house. How did he find out about it? The only person who knew was Mom.
I sit like a statue beside him, scared that any little movement will tick him off and he’ll attack me.
The fear I used to live with me all the time went quiet in the past weeks that I spent with Heath. I forgot to not flinch or watch my every step. But now sitting in this car with him it comes back in full force.
I’m afraid of my own shadow.
We arrive home quickly, as he speeds through the streets, running every traffic signal without a second thought.
