The vents are directed at her blasting hot air, but the chill in her bones is too cold to melt.
“Everything is going to be okay.” I kiss her hands. “You have nothing to worry about.”
She takes a deep breath but her teeth clatter together.
That breaks my resolve, watching her disassemble little by little.
Pulling away from her, I slide my seat all the way back and then pick her up and put her in my lap. Wrapping my arms around her, I press her tightly against my chest.
“Baby,” I say in her hair.
She nuzzles her face in the crook of my neck.
I cup the back of her head and slowly sink my fingers in until they reach her scalp. Gently I knead her head and mutter, “Look at me, Rose.”
Titling her head back, she looks at me. Her sad and scared eyes collide with mine.
“There you are,” I say, getting lost in her gaze. “Focus on me and my voice.”
She nods.
“It’s okay…” I coo as I run my palm down her back in an attempt to calm her down. I’ve never seen her react to a situation like before. And she’s been through some shit.
“Come back to me, Rose,” I plead in a desperate tone that sounds foreign to me. I don’t beg anyone for anything. But seeing her like this is making my heart tear apart my chest. Bones crack. Blood bleeds. Pain wrecks through me like lightning hitting the ground and ripping it to shreds.
I can’t contain it inside of me.
We stay like this for what feels like an hour.
She stays on my lap with her body curved into mine as if she wants to infuse herself into me — I want her to make me a part of her. Her face is tucked in my chest. I know she’s awake because she’s been playing with the threads of my hoodie and focusing on getting her breathing under control.
Silence has always felt comfortable with her. But today, it becomes air in which we both can breathe.
My hand unconsciously run up and down her back, the motion helps me soothe the erratic nerves.
After a long time she asks, “Can we go on the date tomorrow?”
“Yes,” I agree quickly.
“Are you sure?”
I tilt her chin up and make her look at me. “I’m sure.”
Her teeth work on her lower lip and I free it before she draws blood from it.
“What is it? Talk to me, Rose.”
“I’m sad.”
I nod, encouraging her to keep going.
She gulps. “No matter what I do I can’t stop thinking about the fact that my parents don’t want me in their house. They kicked me out as if I don’t mean anything to them. Especially my mom. I wasn’t expecting her to meet my gaze and pretend like I’m nothing to her.”
Pain flashes over her face and her eyes appear gloomy.
She is stuck inside her head — a place she likes to visit often — and keeps playing back what she saw.
“Yes, I can stay with you but I want to go home.My home.”
