Mom fills his plate first, then hers, and at the very end, mine.
It’s probably nothing but it bothers me. She used to fill my plate before hers. But tonight she didn’t.
The gesture is small and insignificant, but it holds the mark of change that things are different. Love is different. Our relationship isn’t what it used to be. In the past few months it’s changed more than it ever did in the past decade or so.
The clink of the forks and knives shatters the silence and the stillness of the room. The noise is as sharp as a needle as it weaves through the storm cloud, making it about ready to rain.
The anticipation nearly kills me.
“Did you see the boy?” Dad asks. His tone laced with suspicion.
“No,” I say, glancing at him for a mere second, then going back to moving the gravy around in my plate.
“You shouldn’t. He isn’t good for you,” he adds.
He’s not the one who’s not good for me.
But I say nothing.
“You know that, don’t you?” He probes me when I don’t reply.
I give him a nod.
“Your father is right,” Mom chimes in with a blank face. “Boys are nothing but trouble. It’s better that you stay away from them.”
“If he doesn’t then I will make him,” he reminds me.
A wave of protectiveness washes over me as I tightly hold the fork and think about scratching him with it.
Just as that thought crosses my brain, shame riddles me weak.
I’m thinking about hurting someone when it’s something I’ve never thought about before.
What is happening to me?
Am I changing?
Is that okay?
“That won’t be needed,” Mom assures him.
Dad stills. Slowly, he turns his head and faces her, “What did you just say?”
Mom looks up, eyes filled with a splash of panic. “No-nothing!”
The knife clatters on the table as his hand reaches forward and grabs her hair. He tugs roughly, making her let out a cry.
“Think you are the only one who can make decisions around here, huh?” He yanks her head. “Just because you make money doesn't make you the boss. My word is the law. Do you understand or should I remind you?”
I sit and watch as my whole body goes numb.
“Maybe I should remind you!” Standing up, he starts dragging her towards the sink.
“This is all your fault. You make me behave like this,” he spits at her.
“Alex, I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Mom begs while crying.
He jerks her head back, making her look up at him. “This is you protecting her, isn’t it?”
