My nose wrinkles at the memory, but Reuben doesn’t notice—his face looks strangely relaxed in my lap. And it’s the first time I’m noticing how long his lashes are. How soft his features become when he lets down his guard. How much lighter his hair actually is up close. How it curls everywhere wildly.
The moment feels tangible. Like a single breath might break it.
“Me estás mirandofijamente,estrellito?”His voice tumbles from his lips in a low mumble that tingles my spine. A familiar waterfall of words I've heard once before. The only good thing out of this is that I’ll have time to learn his language while recovering. I’d consumed more content in English than I had in any of the others… and now I can feel myself regretting it.
Was I able to show you a glimpse of it, Reuben? My worth? My usefulness?
Somehow, I can't bring myself to ask, because he looks so peaceful.
I don’t know what possesses me to let my hand fall. It’s an intrusive thought I can’t suppress as my fingers brush the hair that falls over his face. It’s his turn to become tense beneath me, and I pause, strangely hoping I haven’t broken this moment between us. He remains quiet and I know somehow, it’s still preserved. Know that he’s stopped breathing, just like me. It somehow gives me courage to thread my fingers through his hair. More intently. More deeply. Pulling the strands back so I can see his face clearly. So I can feel how soft it is between my fingers.
Reuben leans into me with a sultry sound that tickles my insides. When he opens his eyes, there’s a fire there that’s threatening to burn me alive… and I’ve never seen this expression before. In any video footage or even on my adventures with Christian.
It’s… breathtaking.
More breathtaking than any view of any city.
I can’t look away from him and he senses that. His body tenses beneath me, as if restraining himself, and when he releases a breath, it’s staggered. Released through slightly parted lips. My gaze falls to them before I can stop it.
I pull my gaze away, back out the window, because now, my thoughts aren’t making much sense. Reuben remains tense beneath me, almost stiffer than stone, but when I gently thread my fingers through his scalp, he finally relaxes—his eyes close again.
I don’t know if this is… normal. Something’s telling me it’s not, but I’m here now mostly because I’ve never known the difference.
He tells me about the diamond and Josei’s intentions. He explains that the piece is one of the rarest in the world, that requires top-tier security and mountains of paperwork just to move from place to place. So when Josei revealed the piece, the crowds knew they weren’t safe.
He told me it’s still missing. That no one knows if someone took it in the chaos, or if the hijackers were successful in the end…
And I don’t know if I should tell him.
I saw everything that unfolded the moment after Josei was shot.
When the guests were stampeding past me for their lives, I saw the moment the diamond disappeared.
And I’m not sure yet, why I keep my mouth shut.
All I know is that I can still see a certain couple dancing under the fireworks on board the ship, behind my eyelids, smiling shyly at each other.
A fragment of time lost forever.
Lucia comes to see me every morning around sunrise. She wears baggy black pants with more pockets than I can count, black boots and a grey turtleneck which covers up her tattoo and the skin of her wrists. Her hair remains braided to fall across her chest, but even in the morning light, there’s a soulless look to her eyes.
When she sees that I’m awake she forces herself closer. To move, to smile, to hold my hand. She doesn’t talk about that night, neither of us does, but there are mornings when she doesn’t notice I’m awake, and I see her staring into nothing at all. Like a marionette that was put down for the night.
And when the sunlight streams in and she notices I’m awake, she pulls the strings and performs her act again—her smile, her stories… like the cute dog she saw on the way in and her grandmother’s visit to town.
No mention of Camille. Or Josei.
When she leaves, the air is always heavier. Stifling.
But when she leaves, Xavier and the team come right after and it’s a whirlwind of noise. Of card games and drinks and snacks…
I’m grateful.
Even Gabriel takes part and though I know he’s still an asshole, the usual barbs are nowhere to be heard.
It’s like I’ve actually become a part of the team.
Reuben comes every evening. Mostly to fall asleep on my lap, as if it’s the only place he can possibly get any rest, but I can’t find it in me to push him away.
