His words are barely able to clear the sweeping void that has taken over inmy head. He’s right. I’ve had fractures before. With rest, they’ll heal up in no time. Same for the hypothermia and abdominal trauma. Rest and healing and he’ll be fine.
I step forward to press the charm into his hand, closing his fingers around it tightly.
He’ll be fine, I repeat to myself. By the time he wakes up this’ll all be blown over.
I remember Father and Mother’s displeasure with Christian and I can’t help but clench my teeth. It’ll be fine. I’ll handle everything. By whatever means necessary.
I find myself waiting, but even as the silence becomes unbearable Tobias makes no move to break it again. I have no choice but to concede, but still I don’t take my eyes off Christian, “Say what you want to say. Before we head out.”
Silence again.
For one moment. Two.
“You could’ve sent me.”
Those… aren’t the words I expected. It baffles me to such an extent that I’m forced to tear my gaze away from Christian and turn to face Tobias, “What?”
“You could have sent me,” Tobias reiterates slowly with narrowed eyes. “To go after Christian. Instead of risking your life. Instead of pointing your gun at me.”
Now that he’s saying it, I do see his point… but my mind was far from that kind of place when I watched Christian fall overboard. “I didn’t think of it at the time,” I admit.
“Youweren’tthinking.”
Why is everyone so sure that I was incapable of thought?
“Christian’s going to get more heat now because of you. Because you drew everyone’s attention to him.”
I hate that he’s right. No one’s going to remember Christian as the person who saved our lives.
Only the person I jumped into the water to save.
‘I'll use my life to show you and this team the worth of the Adler Squad.”Christian’s voice in my head is making me fall into the chair by his bedside, mumbling a stream of curses in my mother tongue.
What was I supposed to do? Leave him? Tobias is saying I could’ve sent him, but…
“I don’t expect you to risk your life for him on our first mission,” I repeat my thoughts from earlier, but Tobias dismisses it with a huff and a mocking tone.
“The Reuben I know never holds back on mincing words. Say what you mean.” He steps forward until we’re side by side. “You didn’t trust us to get him and bring him back.” When I look up at him, his expression is cold but his energy still burns like that intense blue flame. “You thought we’d leave him to die at the bottom of the sea.”
I remain quiet. Trust. That’s what I’d forgotten when faced with Xavier’s words.
‘We’re all responsible for each other.’
The trust I’d preached to Christian to have in me after Aster’s test.
I rub a hand over my face. I want to tell him this is different.
‘It needed to be me.’
‘If I didn’t go after him I would’ve lost my mind.’
‘I knew for sure that I’d bring him back.’
A thousand words on my tongue but all of it still makes Tobias right.
‘Christian isn’t your responsibility… At least not until I know for sure I can trust you to have his back.’ The real words I’d held back from saying to Xavier.
An apology hovers on my tongue, but even in my head they feel empty.
