My lips purse as I turn the idea in my head. I can’t consider this. I don’t have Christian’s skills.
‘You’re the only one left who can.’Her words trigger the memory of them. Until I hear their voices in my mind. Mitch constantly begging for pizza. Max covertly stealing his slices. Harvey’s boasting about the woman he refused to let us meet.
And Christian and I, curled up in his apartment to binge through every episode of Syndicate.
The memory of them fades. They’re like apparitions, turning their backs on me to disappear somewhere far away.
Dahlia’s right. The Adler Squad would’ve created a legacy. Even if that legacy was stolen, I could still give it to them. If not for the rest of the team… then only for Christian.
I don’t hear when Dahlia leaves, because if I’m going to do this—andreallydo this again—then I can’t mess up like I did before.
I have to be just as good as Christian was.
1,070 days ago, I gave up on trying to be human.
All those ‘videos’ and records I watched on that massive ship—all the ‘media’ I’d consumed to learn more about people culture—they were wrong. People don’t sing and dance in the streets. They aren’t welcoming to strangers and they have too many rules that can’t be taught from a book. After arriving on this world on a half-functioning aircraft, I made hundreds of rules trying to remember the dos and don’ts of the status quo. The norms and behaviours people considernormal.
Don’t shift in front of people. Ever.
Always wear clothes.
Don’t talk to strangers without reason.
Remember the dangerous places in the city. Don’t wander there at night.
Don’t get caught stealing.
Don’t loiter on the streets during the day.
Certain clothes will get you into certain places.
It’ll also bar you from others. So be mindful of fashion trends.
By now, the list is exhaustive. After seven months of failing, I gave up on my dream; I shifted into a cat and spent 571 days alone, before Christian reached his hand out to me and brought me home.
If I’m going to imitate Christian andpull it off, I’ll have to use everything I learned over those three different periods: the rules I made the first time, the time I spent observing humans from the sidelines, and the time I spent within the Adler Squad.
The next twenty-four hours then, are a cycle of practice and research.
I find the indoor shooting range early the next morning and go through every gun they have available, acquainting myself with the weight, feel and sound. Rifles, pistols, firearms. Just those take me about six and a half hours to get used to, from how to dismantle them and put them together, to how to shoot and accurately gauge the distance between myself and my target.
I don’t have time to get to the others, because Dahlia practically drags me out of there after noon to get food into me, which leads to my next stage of research: food. Luckily, there’s no one coming and going from the kitchen, so I’mable to monopolize the TV and find the food station. Familiarizing myself with the strange box and the remote that controls it is a task all on its own, but it doesn’t take me more than thirty-five minutes until I’m familiar with it.
I can’t miss anything. I need to be able to do everything Christian could.
The rest of my day is the best part, tucked under a warm blanket in a cold room from afternoon to night while I watch a variety of movies. I make it through two documentaries, three action movies, three mysteries and three additional hours of historical videos before I realize the sun is coming up.
I’m starving again and my eyes are burning. So I decide to steal away into the kitchen for some leftover soup and rest for a few hours, but before I know it, Dahlia’s breaking into my room again because it’s already evening.
I’m out of time… and I’mstarvingagain, what is up with human bodies and food? I never had to eat this much as a cat, but every time I’m hungry it feels like my guts are being turned inside out.
I miss my fur and flexibility too, the rooms in this house are always cold and if I don’t stretch, I always feel stiff.
I’d say my only takeaway from being people isshowers.
Hot and cold settings and sweet smells that I get to coat over my skin? It shouldn’t feelthatgood. It’s strange how humans want to step outside smelling like strange plants and beans, but it’s the most refreshing part of my day. A far cry from when Christian tried to bathe me once before. It was the worst experience I ever had and I still don’t understand why he felt the need to bathe me when cats bathe themselves.
Anyhow, Dahlia breaks into my room to help me pack all of Christian’s things into a small bag with wheels, and that’s how I find his necklace in one of the drawers. A chain holding a single silver band. I’d never seen Christian wear it before yet still, I can’t stop myself from putting it on. It’s the only thing I have left of him now and wearing it makes me feel… like I still have a piece of him with me.
