Reuben is quiet, and after a few seconds, it’s like a bolt of worry and regret pulling me back into reality and dousing my excitement. I’d run away with myself, pulling Reuben into my delusions—my selfishness. Maybe he’ll misunderstand me and think I’m asking for something more.
“I’m not asking us to be serious,” I explain quickly. “It’s okay if you don’t—”
“Basta.” He steps into me so suddenly, the words are caught in my throat, and when I meet his gaze, the tenderness in his eyes makes my heart feel like it’ll burst apart.
“Don’t.” He tilts my head up with a command he’s used before, but this time his voice is soft.
This time it’s a request.
“Ever.” He pulls his scarf down so I can see his face clearly and I shiver, but I can’t tell if it’s from the cold or the heat.
“If you want something from me, you’ve gotta give me a real chance,” he murmurs the words. “You have to wait for me. Don’t just drop the ball and run for the hills.” He pulls my bottom lip down with his thumb, “I don’t care where it is, I’ll go wherever you want… Okay?”
Reuben, you… you have this strange way of making me feel like... I'm real.
Like I'm someone special.
It hurts so much…
And yet it makes me so happy.
I close the distance between us to kiss his lips gently, and I can’t help the smile when I hear his breath hiccup. Can’t help the sadness when I realize he's not breathing—that I’ve stolen him away.
My kiss is clumsier than his—my lips inexperienced, my teeth maybe too gentle as they tug on his bottom lip—but it’s all of the sensations he’s placed inside me. All the guilt. The gratitude. The affection. And because there’s no regret, I’m sure there’s a bit of shame too.
And I want him to see all of it.
I want him to remember the colours he sees on me… and know it was real, at least. For me.
When I pull away, my response is breathless, “Okay.”
His gaze is stormy. Heated. Tender. “Do that—again?” He’s glitching beforemy very eyes. “I think I hallucinated it.”
“You didn’t.” A smile tugs the corners of my lips as I step past him. “I’m not going to ask why you’re here, so go home, before Xavier kills you. I'll meet you back at the house.”
Reuben mutters something under his breath—something about the chain of command—but I ignore him as I continue to follow Evie.
I’m sure to keep my sights on Evie for the rest of the evening, but Reuben keeps filtering into my mind like a fever.
Unfortunately, though, I don’t see him that night.
Or the night after that.
Before I can blink, it’s already Christmas Eve, and Reuben and I haven’t been paired together again. I’m unsure if Xavier’s doing it on purpose; maybe we made a scene in the market like I’d feared… but there’s nothing I can do about it, really. Reuben’s been distracting me too much anyway. I should be focusing solely on Evie so I can protect her properly.
Even with Christmas a day away, the roads and the malls are still bustling with traffic and people. All the last-minute shoppers are creating long queues for gift wrapping services and fighting with clerks over sales deals and discounts.
It's more chaotic than ‘jolly’, like the songs say.
Philip and Evie had already finished their shopping, so they stride through the mall at a leisurely pace, people-watching more than anything. Gabriel and I have a hard time trying to follow them without drawing attention to ourselves. We make a show of stopping for food and purchasing a few things while we look around, until our charges disappear into the cinema, a massive section of the mall.
I’m pausing at the threshold of it without meaning to, because I've never gone to one before.
And Reuben said we’d go together.
I hesitate at the entrance, but even I know my hesitation is ridiculous. My first movie doesn’tneedto be with Reuben…
Still, the moment I cross the threshold, I feel irritated. My nose flares, andI ignore Gabriel's raised brow as we pay for tickets and follow the crowds through blue hallways.
