Another new something learned.
When I look up, Reuben is watching me and suddenly I feel vulnerable.
I wonder what my emotions looked like just now.
“How is it that you’re able to do that?” I huff.
He hums, already catching my meaning, “Not sure.”
“But it must get exhausting,” I stare into my glass, “seeing colours all the time.”
“… Sometimes it does. That’s part of the reason why I took so well to killing others. When people die, the colours go away. It’s the only time I can feel… normal.”
An inconsistency.
To Reuben, killing is as close to normal as he can possibly get. But I remember Lucia’s first response when I told her I’d get rid of those men on the ship.
Killing… isn’t normal.
“And what about this place?” I change the topic as I gaze around the room, “Is it yours?”
“It is.” His brow rises. “It was a gift from Father. He gave it to me when Iwas 21, after the team’s first successful commission.”
I’m sure he can see my curiosity, because a chuckle bubbles from his lips, “It was just me and Tobias then. Gabriel came after. Then Xavier. It was simple things at first. Rescue a kidnapped child. Kill someone. Find their weakness. Steal a document. Then suddenly it became bigger than me.” Reuben washes out the saucepan in the sink. “People wanted protection. To safeguard the delivery of their assets. To secure events. To shut them down. I built up a reputation on gratitude. Loyalty. Respect.”
There’s a twinkle of pride in his eyes as he sets the saucepan in the dish tray, “It’s why I’m the favourite.”
I drink from my glass silently but there’s a different feeling settling into my chest as I watch him. A mixture of admiration and envy. Everything Reuben accomplished, he earned with his own hands.
One day, after all this, I want to have something of mine too.
Something that’s really mine. That I can take pride in.
“Your turn.” Reuben sits beside me at the bar with curious eyes, “What was so great about the Adler Squad?”
I swallow. One moment this man is my comfort, and the next he’s my greatest enemy again. I don’t know much about the Adler Squad’s history. I wasn’t there from the beginning, and I don’t have Christian’s memories. If he asks me about them and ever discusses it with Dahlia, I’ll be found out.
The only way to fool his eyes is to tell the truth.
I begin hesitantly, “The Adler Squad was my home. My first. I didn’t care what we did, or why we did it—it didn’t matter… as long as we could stay together. I wouldn’t have minded. Staying like that. For all of our missions, it was us or them… and I would’ve always chosen us.”
But now there’s no one.
Now there’s just… me.
A ghost.
A new realization pulls my brows together, and I meet his eyes steadily, “Ifyou hadn’t ordered me to Seattle with you, ‘Christian Adler’ would not have survived. You knew that.”
“… I did.”
“… Did you pity me?”
He doesn’t break my gaze. It’s not very fair, that he can read everything on my face, while I’m left trying to guess what he’s thinking.
“A little.” The corners of his mouth twitch, as though laughing at a silent joke, “But from the start, it was a bit more than that.”
I open my mouth to ask more, but a ringing sound cuts through us both and the familiar tone makes my face pale.
