They were still out in all their glory this early in the morning, dimmed only a little by the sliver-thin sickle of waxing moon that sat low over the tree line. I stared up at it for a minute after shutting the rear door of the Jeep. It was easy to imagine, standing here in this land of rivers and mountains, how the local tribes might have worshipped it in the same way that my ancestors had. Maybe they even had their own version of Hina in the Moon.
The wind picked up, a blast of subzero air buffeting me. I brought my gaze back down to earth and headed toward the house. Boots and Doodle met me just inside the door. I scooped a puppy up in each hand, then pulled the door shut behind me with the toe of my boot and went to put them in the vehicle.
I started it thirty minutes ago, leaving the engine running while I loaded it. In all that time, the temperature gauge had barely moved off of its lowest reading. It was still cold inside, so I settled the puppies on a little nest of blankets in the back seat and went to lock up the house.
The wind pulled at me as I made the short trip to the front door. It tugged at my hair with insistent fingers until several strands were loose. One hit me right across the eyeball, and I had a sudden urge to cut it all off. But then I remembered the feel of Ella fisting it in her hands while I fingered her in the shower the other night and thought better of it.
The wind hit me in the face again as I turned back to the Jeep, wiping the small grin from my lips. It would be nice to get a little bit further south. The temperature in Boston today was supposed to reach a balmy thirty-nine degrees. Ella was jealous when I told her. It hadn’t gotten above freezing here in weeks. I almost asked her to come with me and experience it for herself, but didn’t. That would have been selfish. She had a life, a business. Who would watch the dogs on such short notice? She’d have to shut down her digital storefronts. Work like a maniac to get all her open orders out.
And me asking her would have been unhealthy too. Because the driving factor behind it was for her to be my emotional crutch. To lift me up with her positivity and inexhaustible enthusiasm. To act as a go-between for me and my parents if shit got awkward or tough. That wouldn’t be fair, to her, my parents, or myself.
I climbed into the jeep, cupped my hands, and blew some warm air into them before I gathered the courage to touch the steering wheel.
“You two seen my gloves?” I turned and saw Doodle chewing on the finger of one. “Gimme that, you little destructicon.”
It took me several minutes to pry it away from him, mostly because I was trying to be gentle and didn’t want to hurt his little teeth bypulling too hard. I tugged the gloves on afterward and glanced at the rest of the stuff crowding the vehicle. Everything I might need for the trip was packed. My duffle bag full of clothes sat in the way back, with more spare blankets and a two-way radio in case I broke down somewhere without cell reception. I’d thrown my backpack into the passenger seat after loading it up with snacks and water. My phone had an entire day’s worth of podcasts downloaded onto it to keep me entertained during the long drive.
I just needed to drop the puppies and a spare set of keys off at Jack’s. I’d taken care of everything else. I was ready. Well, as ready as I’d ever be for what I was about to put myself through.
Jack stood on the front porch when I pulled up. Together we got the puppies and all their supplies inside before he offered me a cup of coffee for the road.
“No thanks,” I told him. “Trying to cut back on caffeine.”
“Your parents excited to see your place after your sight-seeing trip?”
“They are. Thanks again for offering to put the bed together for them while I’m gone.” It was supposed to get there tomorrow.
“No problem,” he said.
I rubbed the back of my neck, feeling shitty for all the lies of omission I’d told him over the past several months. “Hey, so, I’m not going down there to sight-see.”
He looked at me in a way that made me feel like he wanted to nod in aWell, no shitkind of way, and I wondered, for the hundredth time, whether or not he’d known who I was all along. Only one way to find out.
“I’m going to have some tests done,” I told him.
His expression darkened. “Cancer?”
“No. A possible brain injury.”
“Ah.”
“I used to play football.”
He angled his head sideways. “You don’t say.”
“Jesus, man, do you know who I am?” Too late I realized the words made me sound arrogant.
Jack broke into a grin and patted me on the shoulder. “Course I do. You think I’m some hillbilly out of touch with the world?”
“Uh…”
His smile widened, a mischievous gleam in his eye that reminded me of Ella. “Everyone always forgets I have a laptop in the office and cable internet.”
“Well, damn, Jack. Why didn’t you say anything?”
He shrugged. “Figured you came up here to get away from all that. Thought you might just want someone to bullshit with.”
“I did. Thank you.”
