Ben quickly hung up and turned back to the coffee maker. “Well, they think we’re sleeping together.”
I stared blindly at his back, mouth agape, unable to rid myself of the mental image that just popped into my mind.
***
“Megan, can I talk to you?” I asked my sister several hours later.
Stacey just left the living room to take a shower, much to my relief. I’d been waiting – impatiently – to talk to Megan alone since getting back from Ben’s, trying to do it in an organic way, so I didn’t offend Stacey. I didn’t care if Megan turned around and told her wife every word I said, but part of this conversation might be awkward for Stacey to hear, and I didn’t want to subject her to that.
Megan muted the TV and turned toward me on the couch. “What’s up?”
I shot a look toward the bathroom and then scooted closer to her, lowering my voice. “You remember that roommate you had freshman year of college?”
She nodded. “Beth.”
“Were you in love with her?”
She leaned back and crossed her arms over her chest. “Yes.”
“But you two were really good friends.”
“Also yes.”
“How the hell did you manage that?”
“Honestly?”
I nodded. As much as she and I sometimes bickered, she was the only person in my life that I could have entirely frank conversations with, stuff that I wouldn’t say to anyone else, and I doubted that she would either, maybe with the exception of Stacey. She was the one I talked to about losing my virginity. The one who threatened to kill the first boy that broke up with me.
“I managed it by fucking other people,” she told me.
Well, all right then. “Did that help?”
“You betcha. It helped me see that there were other fish in the sea, queer women who I could have healthy relationships with, instead of an unhealthy one-sided obsession with the straightest woman toever straight. Eventually I got over my romantic feelings for Beth and moved on, without torching our friendship. We still keep in touch.”
“Damn it,” I said. “That’s not really an option for me. There aren’t enough other people to sleep with up here. Well, ones that I would be interested in sleeping with, anyway. Because those that I would be, I already have.”
All two of them.
Maybe I could lower my standards. My friend Jen said Nick Haskell had been pestering her about me. So what if he was missing a few teeth?
“What’s going on?” Megan asked.
I sighed. “I have a massive crush on a friend that I think will only ever see me in a platonic way.”
“The mysterious Stan?”
I nodded. I didn’t bother telling her not to tell anyone else, because now that she knew how I really felt, she would never do that.
“Well, shit,” she said. “Sorry for teasing you about him in front of everyone like a total asshole.”
“It’s okay. You didn’t know at the time.”
“Why do you think he doesn’t like you back?”
“Because he hasn’t so much as flirted with me or even looked at me with anything other than friendship. Also, he’s totally out of my league.”
“Out of your league? Really? Since when do you have low self-esteem?”
