I thought of Jack, his lack of a TV and a cellphone, the couple hundred pounds of meat in his basement freezers from animals he’dkilled and butchered himself. I immediately decided against telling her any of this. “No, Mom. He’s totally normal.”
Her brows rose. “Is that it? I thought you said friends.As in plural.”
Dad’s hand covered their camera, and my screen went dark. “Honey, stop pestering him. He’s smart. He’ll know to reach out if the loneliness starts to get to him.”
“One old man who is probably just as isolated as he is doesn’t sound like a healthy social life,” Mom said.
I needed to put a stop to this before my annoyance sparked into anger. “Uh, Dad? Your hand is covering the camera, not the microphone. I can hear everything you’re saying.”
He took it away. “Oops. Sorry, Ben.”
Beside him, Mom’s expression was full of concern. She opened her mouth, likely to berate or beg me; I didn’t have the patience to find out which.
“There’s a woman too,” I said.
Dad’s brows climbed up his forehead. “Oh, really? She pretty?”
“Who cares if she’s pretty?” Mom said. “Is she one of those weirdo woodlanders? Or an instagroupie?”
I rubbed a hand over my face. “Mom, where are you even getting these phrases? No. She’s totally normal.” Well, kind of normal. I thought of Ella’s wild outfit and special brand of humor.
Mom stared into the camera. “He’s smiling. Hani, why is he smiling? Are you lying to your mother, Benjamin?”
Uh-oh. She went full Benjamin on me. “No, ma’am.”
Distrust played over her features. “What’s her name, then?”
“Ella.”
“Ella what?”
“Jones.”
“What’s she do for a living?”
“She’s an artist. No, a graphic designer.” Crap. “Well, a bit of both.”
Her eyes sparked like she’d caught me in a lie. “Ah-ha!”
“No, Mom, I swear. She owns Ella Jones Paperie. You can look her up online.”
She pointed at me. “You stay right there!” Then she exited screen right, leaving Dad and me alone.
“Sooo…how you been?” I asked him.
He leaned close to the phone, his dark eyes large, “Your mother is becoming a handful. I think I may un-retire.”
I nearly choked trying to stifle my laughter. Handful was an understatement. If Mom was this overbearing at a distance, I could only imagine what she was like in person. Poor Dad.
Mom crowded back in next to him before I could say anything else. She had a tablet in one hand, the fingers of her other one flying over the screen.
“Oh, honey, look,” she said, pushing the tablet in front of my father.
His eyes crinkled as he smiled. “Well, that’s kind of charming. What a cute little fox.”
“Told you she was real, Mom,” I said, careful to keep the gloating out of my tone. “You guys should check out the birthday card with the moose on the cover.”
I might have gone a little overboard looking through Ella’s online listings after I left Jack’s the other night. I just had to see that squirrel and his death threats for myself. And then after I found it and laughed at it all over again, I read through the rest of her tongue-in-cheek, and, okay, sometimes borderline offensive greeting cards.
