She froze, looked at me over her shoulder, and then sent me a devastating grin before shaking her hips even faster than before. A second later, she set the drink mixer aside and belly-flopped onto the mattress.
“Let’s move here,” she said.
“You’re only saying that because it was forty when we left Maine.”
“Nope, I’m saying that because this place is amazing.” She reached out and smushed my cheeks together, expression slightly manic. “You grew up just being able to go outside all year round?”
“Yes,” I said, batting her hands aside. “We can’t move here. We have the dogs and your family and all my appointments.”
She rolled onto her back and mulled it over for a second, chewing her bottom lip in a way that would forever make me want to pull it out of her mouth with my teeth. “We could shave the dogs. I could start a huge fight with everyone in my family and become estranged from them. And we could schedule all your appointments for the summer and then winter here. What about that?” she asked, craning her head sideways to look at me.
“I don’t think so,” I told her. “Boots and Doodle would look ridiculous shaved. And I like your family too much to be estranged from them.”
That was the goddamn truth. Late last spring, after we’d reconciled, I met all of them in one go. Ella’s parents had thrown a dinner party that even Megan and Stacey came up for. A few of her family members hadholy shitmoments, much like Ella had when we’d first met, but they quickly brushed aside my fame and absorbed me into the family in a way that made me feel like I’d been there all along. Our moms now talked so much that they jokingly called each other “besties”.
“Okay, how about this,” Ella said, sounding desperate now. “Imove here with all the dogs, you stay alone in the frigid north, and we try the long-distance thing?”
I pushed my tired, aching body up and rolled on top of her. “Abso-fucking-lutely not,” I said from inches away.
She frowned at me. “Fine.Fine!But can we come out here more often? I really mean it when I say that I love this place.”
“My parents would definitely approve of that,” I told her, smoothing her hair back from her face. “And maybe we could bring your parents with us too.”
“That would be really good for Mom if we came during the winter.”
“Then that’s settled. Plus, now that the foundation is growing, we might need to come out here at least quarterly to help out.”
She smiled up at me, the look more feral than warm. “Gotta put all that lawsuit money to good use.”
“You’re doing that thing again. With your face,” I told her.
“Right,” she said, blanking it. “Letting my,“Ah-ha-ha, fuck you, Mr. Ex-Commissioner,”feelings run away with me again.”
“That’s it.”
She was so good throughout the trial. Her backbone and her steadfastness and her constant reassurances and her unending belief in me had raised me up when it felt like the whole world was trying to keep me down.
I dropped a kiss of thanks on her brow and then moved to place one more on her button nose. “It’s like your entire skin has become one giant freckle.”
She narrowed her eyes at me. “Har.”
“Don’t give me that look. I mean it in a good way. Your freckles make me want to trace them down and see justhow much of your skin they cover.”
She shifted her legs so that our hips fit together. “Please do.”
“Don’t start that. I’m so tired,” I said, leaning down to kiss her, quickly, because I didn’t trust myself to linger. We could have sex again right now, sure, but then I’d probably fall asleep again, and we’d miss my cousin’s birthday party that I promisedmy aunt we would be at. She wasnotthe aunt you disappointed. Not without never hearing the end of it.
“Oh good,” Ella said, grinning. “Then it’s not just me.”
“It’s not just you,” I told her. “You’re beautiful,” I added, because I couldn’t say it enough.
Her sideways grin turned into a blinding smile as she snaked her arms around my neck. “So are you.”
The past year and a half with her had been a rollercoaster. Most of the time, we’d been up, laughing and teasing and loving each other just like this. We’d had our lows, too. I tried to push her away a couple of times when things got bad. The clinical trial I took part in was rough. One of the side effects of the meds was nausea, which I completely ignored because that was a listed side effect for just about every medication I’d ever been prescribed, and I’d never experienced it.
Oh, what a sweet summer child I had been. I spent the entire time I was on that one feeling like I was one deep breath away from projectile vomiting. It was miserable. I lost a lot of weight. I was forced to cut back on my workouts, which dropped my endorphin levels. I ended up getting short with her.
There were other factors driving my mood down at the time. In the middle of the trial, I had my second, more detailed PET scans done, and the results showed that I’d have to be on antidepressants for the rest of my life.
