“Worse.”
“Good.”
I stared at her. “How is that good?”
“Because it tells you that you’d be miserable without him. Imagine it, Ella. You’ve gone worst-case scenario on his condition, but what about with your own wellbeing? You’re not happy right now. You think you’d just bounce back after deciding to let him go?”
I shook my head.
“Would you ever stop thinking about him? Worrying about him? Wondering what might have been if only you’d had the ovaries to stay with him?”
“Probably not,” I said.
“There you go then. If you stay with him, there may be a lot of tough times ahead. If you leave him, you know for a fact that you’ll be miserable and filled with regret.”
Stacey handed Megan her steak knife.
Megan took it, frowning. “What’s this for?”
“I thought you might want to stab her for the finale,” Stacey said.
Megan set the knife down and leaned forward to clasp my hand. “I’m sorry, Ella. I know this sucks. But you need to make a decision. For you, and for him. You think he hasn’t thought of you this whole time too? Wondering if you’ve left him forever? You think he needs that on his plate with everything else he’s dealing with?”
I sniffed, fighting off tears. “No.”
Stacey scooted her chair around the table and hugged me. “It’s okay,” she said.
I put my head in my hands. “It’s not,” I told her. “I miss him. So goddamn much.”
And not just in an,I missed having company kind of way. I missed the way his eyes crinkled up when he smiled. I missed the way he tilted his head sideways and said “Yeah?” when I complimented him. I missed the way we teased each other. I missed hearing his perspective on current events. I missed the way he flirted with me. I missed that non-stop feeling of butterflies when I was around him. I missed the puppies. God, they must be so big now. Three times the size of the fuzzy little mutt Megan and Stacey picked up at the shelter yesterday.
“Sounds like you’ve got it bad,” Stacey said.
I nodded. “I’ve never felt like this about anyone. No offense,” I told Megan.
“None taken,” she said.
I wrapped my arms around my stomach. Between the stress and the anxiety, it was starting to hurt. “This is worse than when Renee and Grandpa died.”
Megan grinned. “Listen to what you just said, Ella. Being away from him is causing you more pain than losing a family member. You didn’t walk away from Renee when she was dying of cancer. Can you really live with yourself if you walk away from someone who might be the love of your life?”
I let out a heavy breath as the realization hit me. No. I couldn’t.
She was right. If I loved him, I would be a fucking coward not to fight for him.
***
I was zipping up my bag the next morning when Stella, the fuzzy little mutt that Megan and Stacey had adopted, raced into the room, tripping over the bra she carried in her mouth. I was too slow to catchher, and she dove past my outstretched hands and disappeared under the bed.
“Get back here, you little a-hole,” Megan said, barreling into the room. Stacey was hot on her heels. Despite my sister’s raised voice, I could tell from her expression that she wasn’t even remotely angry that, for some bizarre reason, Stella kept stealing articles of her clothing and hiding them all over the apartment.
“She’s adjusted pretty quickly,” I said to Stacey.
“Which one?” Stacey asked, side-eyeing Megan as my sister scrambled beneath the bed after the puppy.
I grinned and swung my duffle bag over a shoulder. “Thanks so much again for having me. Sorry I wasn’t better company.”
She gave me a quick hug. “It’s okay. You’re welcome any time. You know that.” She pulled away and coughed in a way that sounded like a prompt.
