The only other people outside are Lauren and Matt, and they’re in a corner, talking quietly. I sit down on one of the gigantic striped lounge chairs and look up at the sky. It’s getting dark now. Soon Olivia will propose that everyone go skinny-dipping, except she’ll conveniently leave her bathing suit on. The same thing happened last time we were here about a month ago. Rob was still at camp, but Jake and Ben came. Olivia had heated the pool by accident, so it felt like a hot tub, and we kept jumping in and out, lying on the lawn chairs and cooling off. I remember thinking about Rob. Wishing he were here. Wondering if when he got back we would be snuggling together, sharing a towel, our feet dangling in the water.
I see Olivia and Charlie inside. They are standing around with Ben and Jake, and Rob and Juliet are right there. The six of them. All at once I see the entire year stretched out before me like a movie reel, and it doesn’t involve getting back at Juliet at all. Here’s what will happen: Charlie and Olivia will call her atraitor for a while, hold a grudge against her because she “stole” Rob. Then they will start to spend more time with her, and it will become increasingly difficult to keep up that bitchy front. She’ll wear them down. They will start to forget why they hate her so much. She’s Rob’s girlfriend, after all. Then the six of them will be at a movie together. Juliet will comment on how much she likes Olivia’s headband, and Olivia will tell her where she got it. Juliet will suggest a shopping trip, maybe even in her dad’s limo. Olivia will glance nervously at Charlie before accepting. They’ll invite me. It’s been months, they’ll reason; we should all be moving on. We’ll go. Juliet will talk about Rob, but not a lot. She’ll reference Jake and Rob’s surfing trips. Charlie will roll her eyes knowingly. They share something now. Afterward we’ll go to Grandma’s and get bagels, and the boys will meet us there. Everyone will pair off. Everyone, that is, but me.
“It’s cranapple, not crangrape,” Olivia says, wandering outside. She’s holding a juice container in one hand and a towel in another. Charlie trails behind her, staring into her red cup like she’s looking for something.
“There you are,” Olivia says. She sets the juice down and sits on the edge of my chair, throwing her towel down onto my legs. She pulls her cover-up off and tosses it onto the ground.
I shake my head. “No,” Charlie says, voicing my thought, “I don’t want to go skinny-dipping.” She holds her hand up to stopOlivia from saying anything and crawls into my chair, stretching her body out next to mine and resting her head on my collarbone. “I can’t believe she even showed up,” Charlie says. Her breath smells like vodka, and I turn away, looking out at the ocean. The moon is fairly full, and the water looks silver underneath it. I remember once hearing that the only reason the ocean is blue is because it reflects the sky. If you could see the water at night, maybe it would just look clear. Maybe you could see all the way down to the bottom.
“Do you want me to kick her out?” Olivia asks.
I don’t answer, and Charlie mumbles something against my chest. Whatever it is, it isn’t adamant. Partly because she’s drunk, of course, but partly because they are already getting over this. Whether they know it or not, their protestations have rounded edges now. The sting of this betrayal is wearing off, and their comments are beginning to sound repetitive and dull. How many times can they tell me I’m prettier than her or that Rob is an ass? It’s wearing on them, and it’s obvious. So obvious, in fact, that when Olivia announces, “She’s the worst,” Charlie barely nods her head in agreement.
There are so many competing thoughts floating around in my head right now. My anger at Juliet, my confusion about her backstabbing comment, my feelings for Rob. And that’s the problem, that I still care about him. I still want him back. I can’tbelieve I can turn my head and look at him and at the same time not be able to speak to him. I would settle for just his friendship now, but that’s over too. I wish we had never shared that kiss, that we had never said those things to each other. Maybe then we could still go back. Maybe then I wouldn’t miss him when he’s standing right here.
“Who’s up for the water?”
I tilt my head and open my mouth to turn Olivia down again, but it’s not Olivia who’s doing the suggesting. It’s Juliet, and she’s standing over us, a light pink bikini pulled tightly over her chest. She’s smiling, her pearly whites beaming. Gone are the grizzly teeth she bared inside. Of course, there are other people around.
Olivia stands up and bounces slightly on her heels. “I was going to go anyway,” she says to Charlie and me.
Charlie waves her off with a hand and keeps nuzzling my chest. Olivia hesitates but then grabs her towel. She and Juliet descend the stairs to the ocean, their blond hair indistinguishable in the moonlight, so that after a few feet it’s impossible to tell who is who.
“Love it here,” Charlie murmurs, and even though she’s pressed up against me, I feel farther away from her than I ever have before.
Act Four
Scene One
It’s true California doesn’t haveEast Coast seasons, but there’s something about the fall in San Bellaro that I love. No, the trees don’t change and our campus doesn’t look like a postcard of yellow, red, and orange, but the air is crisp and cool, and there’s this sense of newness. Like maybe change is possible, even if you can’t see it.
And things have changed.
“I think Mrs. Barch has it out for me,” I say. We’re sitting in the courtyard, finishing lunch. By the time you make it to October at San Bellaro, some kids have decided to park themselves in the cafeteria until spring. Not us. “We’re troupers,” as Charlie likes to say. We wear sweaters, and we stay outside.
“Hmm?” Charlie murmurs. She’s watching Jake where he’sstanding on the breezeway. They broke up last week over what Charlie deemed “weekend abandonment.” Jake decided to go to a concert with John Susquich and left her alone Saturday night. She hasn’t yet recovered, and they’re still not speaking.
“I still can’t believe you’re not in physics with us,” Olivia says. “Yesterday Mr. Dunfy brought in cupcakes. We just ate them all period.” She looks at Ben for confirmation, and he nods.
“It’s true,” he says. “All period.”
The truth is that this bio thing actually is a problem. I applied early to Stanford but they’re going to want to see my first semester grades, and right now I’m barely pulling a B minus.
“Who’s your bio partner?” Olivia asks.
“Len.”
“Stephens?”
Charlie picks her head up and looks at us. “What are we talking about?”
“How I’m failing bio.”
“Should have taken physics,” Charlie says. “Do you know we had—”
“Cupcakes, all period. I know.”
Olivia picks up her apple. She takes an unenthusiastic bite and sets it down.
