Josh had auburn hair and green eyes, and everything about him felt congruent, all his features working together to present a unified image. He was like a completed puzzle. Symmetrical. Organized.
“Josh,” Janelle said. “This is Daphne, our new assistant from Los Angeles.”
Josh blinked once, as if pulling out of a trance, and then looked at me. “Hi,” he said. “Daphne from Los Angeles.”
I nodded.
“Glad to have you on board. I’m told you’re good with Excel, that will come in handy. We’re a tech start-up that isn’t very high-tech.”
I laughed. “Happy to help.”
I didn’t report to Josh. Instead, I reported to Tanaz, a twenty-eight-year-old who could code better than anyone I’d ever met. In college my sophomore-year roommate had been a computer science major. I had absorbed a few things by osmosis during our year together, and I could tell Tanaz was better than anyone.
It soon became clear to me that my job was mostly to make sure Tanaz never needed anything so she could continue to do what she did so well.
I began to anticipate her rhythms—when she’d want coffee, lunch, even a bathroom break. And I liked her, too. She started calling me “DB.”
“It’s shorter,” she said. “And I like it more.”
She made me call her “Tanz.”
One syllable saves time.
I loved it there because it was a place where no one knew. I felt like a superhero, but instead of hiding a power I was hidingmy illness. For the first time in nearly three years no one saw me as being sick. I was just a part of something. Normal. It felt incredible.
Josh and I didn’t really speak until I’d been at Flext almost six weeks. At that point I was living in the Financial District simply because I’d found a cheap sublet. It was about an hour from the office but an easy drive. I’d taken my car with me up to San Francisco because I knew I’d never be able to walk the hills, and nothing made me happier than the freedom being behind the wheel afforded. I was in control, finally, again.
Flext’s offices were in Palo Alto, and if I ever didn’t feel like driving (which I rarely did) there was a direct train that the company reimbursed me for.
I hadn’t been with Noah often during our five-week stint, and once it ended, I’d stay at the office late. I had gotten the paper a week earlier. It was sitting in the printer when I went to scan something:Josh, six months.
I was elated. Not necessarily about Josh, but about the length.
Six months felt like forever. I could swim in that much time. I could bathe in it.
Whatever stragglers were around in Flext’s office after hours started having dinner together. There were only twenty-five employees in the office, and everyone knew one another, especially because there were no office doors. We’d order in—salads, tacos, pizza—and eat in a huddle—Parmesan packs and napkins littering the railing.
One particular Thursday evening Josh joined us. He sat with Tanaz, and then when he stood to get a napkin, we made eye contact. I waved.
“How’s it going?” he asked. “Sorry things have been so hectic around here. I hope you’re enjoying at least some of it?”
I swallowed my pizza. “No, it’s good,” I said. “Great, actually.”
It was true. I was happy. I loved the schedule, the rhythm, and I loved how people relied on me. After so many years of feeling like a victim—always having to accept help—it felt good to be able to provide some.
There was an HR department, comprised of one person, Kelly, and she knew about my condition. If I had to come in an hour late or leave for a blood draw, it was always kosher.
“I like to get to know everyone who comes in, but things have been so crazy lately,” Josh said. He looked at me. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” I said. “I get it.”
“Want to grab a bite?” Josh swung his arm out, inviting me into his section of the bullpen. I grabbed my pizza box.
He was relaxed—that was the thing that struck me first about him, how casual he was. In an industry and business that is neurotic and wired nearly all the time, he was like a raft on a lake. I could barely see him move.
“I know you’re from LA,” he said. “And that’s where my knowledge evades me.”
“Born and raised in the Palisades.”
