I nod.
Hugo and I forwent our Sunday farmers market and instead got coffee. It’s late for him, well past ten in the morning. It has been months since we’ve been alone together, and it feels good to be in his presence. I still get the same feeling of confidence from him I always do, and right now, I need it.
“What’s holding you back?” Hugo asks. “You already told the guy you’re moving in with him. Didn’t he build you a bedroom?”
“It’s an office.”
“Whatever.”
I sip from my iced tea. I’m wearing a white T-shirt, denim shorts, and sandals and I’m still hot. It’s eighty degrees in the middle of March. The sun is shining. Everywhere people are emerging in bare legs and broad smiles as if summer is upon us.
Hugo has on a gray T-shirt and shorts. A baseball cap hides his forehead. He taps a foot under the table.
“What’s holding me back?” I ask.
I look at Hugo and raise my eyebrows. It takes him a moment to get it, and when he does, he shakes his head. “Come on,” he says. “That’s not fair.”
“It’s the only history I have with this particular revelation.”
“Yeah, OK. But was I an asshole about it? That’s not how I remember it.”
“We broke up.”
“Daphne, please. You broke up with me.” Hugo sets down his drink. “I’ll give you that I was caught off guard. You kept secrets from me, and it threw me for a loop. I felt like I didn’t know you; it fucked me up momentarily.”
“You weren’t scared by the fact that I kept secrets. You were scared by the secret.”
Hugo looks at me point-blank. “I was scared by it all. Your heart, your ability to hide shit from me, the fact that you clearly didn’t trust me.” He sighs. “But if you want someone who isn’t going to be afraid, you already have him. We’re talking about this like we don’t already know how he’s going to react. It’s obvious, Daph.”
I press the icy cup between my palms. “What is?”
“Jake is the guy who is not going to be afraid. He’s not going to fuck it up. He’s not going to say the wrong thing, or run, or be an asshole. He loves you. He’s going to look you straight in the eye and say he’s all in.”
I swipe a bead of condensation onto my pinky finger. “How can you be so sure? This is a huge deal. He lost his wife—”
“I’ve seen how he looks at you,” Hugo cuts me off. “And it’s just who he is. You know that, and I know that. The man is built for being a safety net.”
“He’s not a safety net,” I say.
“It’s not negative, Daph. I’m just saying he’s going to show up for you.”
I think about Jake on the love seat, asking me to confess myself, my literal heart.
“I think you’re right.”
“I know I am.”
Hugo downs the rest of his drink. He sets it on the table with some force. “So just tell him and live happily ever after.”
“That simple?”
He shrugs. “Why not?”
I run my teeth over my bottom lip. “Maybe ever after is only a few years. Maybe it’s just a few months.”
Hugo crosses his arms. When he looks at me, his gaze is dead center. “You have to stop believing the worst in everyone. Fuck, Daphne. You have to stop believing the worst in yourself.”
I feel my throat constrict, the stinging behind my eyes. “Am I a terrible person? Seriously, Hugo, am I going to hell for this?”
