I kept my face close to hers, I held her hand, and all the while, as I walked her to the other side, I kept thinking:How will I get there without you? How did you not tell me while you still could?
Standing on the balcony in Positano now, the world freshly washed, I feel the emotion rise up in me again. The fire, the anger. But now it is mixed with grief. It is mixed with all the things I did not see, because I couldn’t, all the things I believed because she told me they were true.
Mom, I think.Carol. How could you? She’s just a little girl.
Chapter Twenty-Six
When I wake up after a fitful sleep, I’m hit with a certain numbness—the sun is shining and the French doors are open, revealing an already-awakened morning. And then the events of last night smack me in the sternum. I put my hands to my chest and press, like I’m trying to arrest the flow of blood out of my body. So this is what it feels like to see the world as it is. This is what it feels like to reach out and find nothing but your own hand.
Next to me, Adam sleeps. He’s naked, and I see fingernail scratches—mine—along his back.
He stirs next to me. One eye opens. “Hey.”
I sit up, gathering some sheet with me. “Hi.”
He stretches, slings an arm over toward me, and rubs my knee. “What time is it?”
I glance at the clock on my nightstand. “Eight-forty-five.”
“Shit.”
“Are you late somewhere?”
Adam starts searching for his clothing. He gets dressed hastily. “Yes, sorry, shit. I need to shower. I’m supposed to be at the Sirenuse in a half hour.”
“For what?”
Adam looks at me, stops what he’s doing. He puts a knee on the bed and leans forward. “It’s just a meeting.”
“Adam,” I say slowly. “Are you thinking about buying that hotel?”
“It’s not even on the market,” he says. He picks up his shirt and pulls it over his head.
“That’s not an answer.”
“I’m just having a meeting.” He slides a shoe on. “It’s for a friend; I said I’d help them out with some plans.”
“And what about Poseidon?” I say. “They’re in trouble here, Nika told me. Is that over?”
“Marco is stubborn; what am I supposed to do? Steal it from him?”
“Talk to him.”
“I have. Look, I need to go home with a win. I want to. I need an excuse to keep coming back.” He winks at me. It feels hollow, though. Like a gimmick. Like he’s done it many times before.
“What about knowing the hotel and loving it and all of those things you said about this place feeling like home?”
Adam sighs. He sits back down. “All of that is true, all of it. I love it here. And also, money is real; his will is real. If they don’t want to sell, they don’t want to sell.”
He finds his other shoe, slides it on. “I have to run, but can we please have lunch later? I’ll meet you at Chez Black in the marina. We can talk about everything.” He gestures to the bed. To what has transpired here.
I nod. “Okay.”
Adam leans over me. He touches his lips down to mine and then plants a kiss on my cheek. “I’ll see you soon.”
“What time?”
“Let’s say two?”
