“Gorgeous,” she says. “Rainer has impeccable taste.” And then her voice changes. She gestures behind me. “Wilder,” Alexis says over my shoulder. “You’re late.”
Instantly, I look up, and the second I do, I see him.
He’s coming down the path to the table. He’s backlit by hanging Chinese lanterns, and I’m reminded of the first time I saw him, on the beach in Hawaii, framed by the sun. That was back when I thought he was an asshole, when I was convinced he was out to ruin Rainer’s life, and by association, mine. Before I got to know him. Before I understood everything he had lost and everything he still wanted.
“Happy birthday.” He looks at me for a beat, and I swear my heart stops. I’m sure Rainer can feel the blood rushing through my body from where his hand still sits perched on my hip. I feel Jordan’s eyes drift over me. They feel like fingers, like they’re weighted, somehow.
“Thanks,” I mumble. The most we’ve said to each other in weeks.
His so-brown-it’s-black hair sits ruffled on his head, and he has on jeans and a gray blazer over a blue T-shirt. He gives Alexis a quick kiss on the cheek, and I look away.
They’re together. You have a boyfriend. You’re not allowed to feel this way anymore, I remind myself. I swing into action.
“Hey, Alexis, Jordan—these are my best friends, Cassandra and Jake. Guys, this is Jordan and this”—I gesture to the gazelle standing next to me—“is Alexis.”
Cassandra eyes Jordan way too obviously, and I see him look back at her. “We met briefly when you guys were out here for the premiere,” he says.
“It was just for a second before the screening,” Cassandra says. “It’s good to see you.”
“You too,” Jordan says.
“How lovely,” Alexis says, taking Jordan’s arm. “We’re all together.”
I kind of hate her.
The table is round, and she and Jordan sit, Jake and Cassandra following suit with Jessica behind them. Rainer does, too, and Alexis taps the seat next to her, so I’m in between her and Rainer. I’m just grateful I’m not seated next to Jordan, too. Being between the two of them takes all the acting I can muster, and tonight, I’m not sure I have it in me.
“Do you have to file environmental impact reports?” Jake is asking.
I hear Alexis in my ear. “So, what is the birthday girl drinking?”
Alexis and I haven’t really gotten a chance to know each other. We were a split group on tour—me and Rainer, Jordan and Alexis.
But here, at dinner, we embark on a marathon get-acquainted session. I find out that not only did Alexis grow up in and around Europe but that her mother also lives in Los Angeles, her father has a summer home in the south of France, and she attended boarding school for “one horrid year” in Switzerland. Also fun: She speaks four languages and has two albums out. But none of that compares to the way Jordan watches her—transfixed—like she’s some kind of transcendent creature.
“Happy?” Rainer whispers into my ear as I twirl some spaghetti onto my fork.
I blink and look at him. His lashes are so long, and with his face this close to me I can almost feel them. My skin instantly pricks up with goose bumps. “Mmhmm,” I whisper. “Thank you. Tonight is perfect.”
I feel his hand on my neck. “It’s not over,” he whispers.
I pull back and look at him, and my face must reveal some kind of surprise because he laughs—a soft, twinkling laugh—and says, “We’re just going out after dinner. If you want to?”
“Yeah,” I say. “I want to.”
Rainer turns his attention to the table. He sets his knife against his glass, and everyone hushes. “I’d like to make a toast,” he says.
My stomach starts fluttering. I catch Cassandra’s eye across the table, and she tries to wink at me.
“Happy birthday, PG.” He looks at me, and I feel his hand graze mine underneath the table. I thread our fingers together. I need something to hold on to. “I’m so goddamn lucky you were born today. Thank you for trying out for this movie and for being my August.” He raises his glass up and then he kisses me. I lean into him and taste the champagne on his mouth, and even though I know everyone is watching—Alexis and Jessica and Cassandra and Jake and Jordan—I tell myself not to care. He’s my boyfriend. He’s kissing me on my birthday. This is the life I chose. All I’m doing is living it.
We go to a club close by—or it could be far away, I’m not sure. All I know is that I’m caught up in the night: in the limo that appears out of nowhere, in the champagne, in Rainer’s cool fingers on my thigh, just above my knee.
The club is dark when we enter. Jordan is fastened to Alexis’s side, and she air-kisses a group of girls as soon as we get in and pulls Jordan with her—over to a booth. I see him glance back at us, briefly, but then he’s lost in the darkness.
I would have had a hard time keeping track of Cassandra and Jake, but Sandy dropped them back off at the house. They claimed exhaustion, but I know dancing isn’t really Jake’s thing. I also suspect they’re excited to spend an unsupervised night alone together. Cassandra’s parents are pretty strict.
“Enjoy it,” Cassandra said into my ear as she went, and I just smiled because I knew what she meant. Tonight, on my birthday, we can just be Rainer and Paige. We’re not at a press event. We’re not on a carpet. We’re justus. And if being us means we get into private parties at clubs—then so be it.
