Sandy holds her hand up. “We’re going in circles,” she says. “We said we weren’t going to leave this office until we came up with next steps.”
Amanda switches tactics. “Listen, I get it, believe me. When Jennifer finishedTrident, the only thing she wanted to do was some small-budget indie. There are incredible scripts out there, but you know where thereallyamazing scripts end up? Studios. You want the version ofCloser to Heaventhat has some traction behind it. You think all you need is a great script and a director with some vision, but really what you need is belief and support andmoney.”
Sandy nods. “She’s right; I hate to say it. A lot of these movies turn out terrible—or worse, they don’t even get released.”
“Exactly,” Amanda says. “And we can’t have your first role post-scandal be something two thousand people in an art theater see.” She stands up and comes around to the front of her desk. “We’re on the same side. We want you to do projects you love. That’s the point of this whole thing. But we also want you to have a long career. Let’s not forget thatLockedis one movie.”
Sandy puts her hand on my shoulder. “It has been a rough week, right?”
“I’m not trying to get a sympathy vote,” I say. “I’m not…”
“We’re not dwelling,” Amanda says, holding up her hand. “We will get through this. We just want to know our options right now. And our options are the things I’ve pitched you. You’re in a rocky moment, okay, but that doesn’t mean you’re not still the hottest young actress in Hollywood. Remember, what you do now matters. For better or worse, everyone is watching.”
Everyone is watching.
I think about the photographers that are parked outside the Colony daily. I heard a neighbor talking about the disturbance next door. I feel bad. Terrible, actually. No one else asked for this. It’s bad enough that I can’t even go to Starbucks or to the grocery store or on a run, but now strangers are being harassed in and out of their homes. All because of me.
“I’ve had my life taken away,” I say. “That’s the thing I don’t think you realize. The work is theonlything that’s good about this. I can’t—” My voice breaks, but I push through. I’ve cried too much over this already. “I can’t give that up, too.”
“Understood.” Sandy cocks her head in Amanda’s direction.We’re done.
“We’ll get theCloser to Heavenmeeting,” Amanda says. “Even if I have to trade favors. But I’m going to keep sending scripts, and you’re going to keep reading them. I want you in the press for what you’re doing, not who—”
“I get it,” I say. I don’t need that sentence finished.
Amanda holds the door to her office open for us. The first thing I want to do is call Rainer, tell him about this meeting, and ask his advice. It’s so strange that he’s not here, that I can’t go to him for help. Maybe it’s because of this that I stop Sandy as we get in the elevator. “How is he?”
She makes a fuss of perching her sunglasses on top of her head. “Okay,” she says. “The family stuff is dying down, a bit.”
It’s true. Every tabloid has replaced Greg’s affair with mine.
I want to ask her the next question, but I don’t. I don’t get to know.
Sandy puts a hand on my shoulder. “Yes,” she says. “He misses you. He won’t admit it to me, but I can tell. I’ve known the kid forever.”
I choke back words. I miss him, too. Palpably. Sometimes I lie awake and hear the ocean, and I think we’re back on Maui. That it’s me and Rainer on that movie set, falling for each other all over again.
I think about a headline I saw on a discarded magazine in Amanda’s office.LOCKEDOUT OFLOVE.No kidding.
“Where are you off to?” she asks.
Oh, you know. Lunch at the Chateau, drinks on Melrose, a walk in Santa Monica. “Malibu,” I say. Like I have a choice.
Sandy nods. “Listen, we have to talk about Tokyo.”
I pause. The elevator doors close on us. “What?”
She squints at me. “Japan? Comiket? Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten.”
“Dammit.” The studio is sending me, Jordan, and Rainer to the biggest comic book convention in the world. Three days, the three of us. I totally spaced on it. “When?”
Sandy pulls out her phone. “Monday.”
“That’s three days from now!”
She nods. “The convention was contracted a long time ago, but if you ask me, it might be a good time to show the world you all can still get along.” Sandy gives me a pointed look.
“Can we?”
