Jodie laughed. “I’m thinking he’d be, ‘Are you okay—do you need a glass of water?”
“Okay, let’s not go there,” I stopped her in her tracks. “I think BJ would surprise you, Jodie, you can let us know,” I winked.
She shook her head, chuckling.
“What’s all the laughter, girls?” Ethan came in, his eyebrows raised. BJ trailed behind, followed by Karson. I couldn’t look at any of them or I wouldn’t be able to withhold the giggles bubbling inside my chest.
“Oh, nothing,” Sarah said, keeping an impressive straight face. “Just girl stuff.”
I turned my head to the side and bit my lip.
Georgie lost it first. She made a ‘phhh’ noise, and then burst into loud, contagious laughter. The rest of us followed suit. The boys stood by the fireplace, staring down, with looks of disgust.
* * *
Later, after BJ and the girls had gone, we relaxed in the living room. Ethan was sprawled out on the chair, his legs splayed out, his head back. A small smile cracked his lips, whatever he was thinking about, it was a good thought. Probably sex.
The warmth of the fire and the gentle crackle filling the room was almost hypnotic. I stared at it, awake, but not fully functioning.
“I think it’ll be good for you to go away with the girls,” Karson said, out of the blue. My eyes snapped open. He was seated on the couch, leaning forward, his elbows resting on his thighs, his hands clenched.
His words struck me like a hammer to the chest. I felt my heart tighten. Twist. Crack. He wanted me to be with anotherman.He doesn’t care.I shake my head slowly dislodging the thoughts. He came, he rescued me, he must care. Inside screamed with confusion and pain, but I fought to keep my face and tone blank. “Yes, a one-night stand might be just what I need.”
“That’s not what I meant,” his voice came out in a low growl. He got up and went to the fire, staring into it, as if the flames spoke to him in tongues.
“And that’s my exit.” Ethan jumped to his feet, heading towards the door. Neither of us paid him any attention.
I knew what I wanted. I wanted to melt into his body, I wanted his arms around my back, my hands on his skin. I never felt so alive as I did when we were together, being with him felt like the stars shooting through the night. I wanted him. I wantedus.
“What exactly did you mean then, Karson?”
He turned to look at me, his expression was blank, devoid of any emotion. “It does not matter.”
I stared at him. A lump burned in my throat and eyes.I swallowed. “It doesn’t matter, or I don’t matter?”
“What do you want me to say, Amelia?” His voice rose and came out in a snarl. “That I do not want you with anyone else—that I cannot live without you—is that what you want to hear?”
I stood up. My legs felt like jelly. Desperation clawed at every part of my body. “Yes, Karson, that’s exactly what I want you to say.”
He stepped toward me and yelled with such fierceness my heart boomed in my chest and I fought not to shrink back.
“Well I hope it helps, Amelia! Because I don’t want you to be with anyone else, but I can’t watch the disappointment on your face every time I hurt someone.”
“God, Karson.” My hands flew out in disbelief. “So don’t hurt anyone.”
His eyes blazed into mine, I could see anger building, darkening his iris like clouds on the horizon of an incoming storm.
“How did you really think a relationship with a vampire was going to end? What did you honestly think might happen—we’d ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after? This is not some fairy tale.” His voice was vicious. “I was born this way. You think I chose this? To be like this?” He thumped a palm against his chest. “I did not choose it, it chose me, and I do what I am born to do.”
I bristled. “Are you quite finished? That’s the biggest load of bullshit I have ever heard. You’re not what you are born, you’re not what’s happened to you. Your parents and the people around didn’t make you who you are, like some mindless factory product. You are a living, breathing, conscious human. You use what you were born as an excuse to justify what you do, as an excuse for your cruel, shitty behavior. You can lie to yourself all you like, but don’t you dare ever lie to me.”
He stood there for a moment without speaking. Perhaps contemplating his response, or calming himself before he proceeded. The silence dragged on. Finally, he exhaled out his nose and shook his head slowly and deliberately.
“I’m not the one lying to myself, Amelia. You are. I am not a human. I do not have your emotions. I am a vampire. I have a rage, a darkness inside that, when it rises, it makes me dangerous—to others, and to you—and I cannot change what I am.”
I could see anger cross his face, hear the bitterness in his voice. But there’s something else there too, deep and almost lost beneath his fury—agony. My heart leapt, bloomed. If he’s hurting he must care about me.
“Karson,” His name came out as a whisper, a begging.
