It feels nice to talk to someone about this for once because I don’t feel I have to watch what I say. She’ll understand, because she knows Ali well, but still…
“I’m still surprised to see you here, regardless,” Carly says, adding the chocolate syrup to the bowl.
As I’m mixing all the ingredients, I wonder aloud, “Why would you be? Because I don’t like the film industry?”
“Because you don’t likeme. Just didn’t think you would want to help someone you disliked.”
My arm stops moving, and the bowl remains still on the table as my hand slowly lets go of the spatula. “When did I say that?”
“You didn’t need to,” she shrugs, crossing one arm over her stomach. I notice a sliver of a tattoo peeking out from her sleeve. “It’s in your mannerisms. How you tense up just by looking at me. Remember how I told you that you’re easy to read?”
Was I that much of an asshole around her? God, I feel a little guilty because now I know she’s not as selfish as the people I used to know. My therapist from freshman year told me that I’m a little too guarded, and while that may be a good thing, it never occurred to me how other people would perceive it.
“Carly, I’ve never said that I didn’t like you,” I assure her. “I don’t know how to feel about you, but I just know that I don’tnotlike you.” My trust issues rooted in me have not blinded me from seeing goodness. Maybe I was that bad around her if that’s all she believed.
Her eyes soften, and I swear some color appears in her cheeks. “Well, I don’tnotlike you, too.” A small chuckle escapes her lips, eliciting a small smile out of me.
Before I can say anymore, Stella approaches us, grabbing Carly’s arm. “We have a problem.”
Carly gets dragged away from me and the table, and I get back to mixing fake blood in a bowl. This has not made being on a set significantly easier for me, but they’re baby steps.
No, I don’t hate her. But I’m not sure how to feel about Carly Ryder just yet.
Will I ever know?
8
Offering a Hand
Carly
Not to sound like a fangirl, but I can’t believe he’s actuallyhere.
Once again, what the hell did I do?
Stella pulls me away from Crew, a panicked expression across her face, where all the color is drained.
“Ethan’s not coming,” she blurts out.
My jaw drops slightly. “What happened?” I quickly check my phone for any messages. Sure enough, a text from Ethan is the only thing in my notifications, from fifteen minutes ago. When I’m on set, my phone is silenced to avoid any awkward situations. Fuck, I should have looked beforehand.
Ethan
Hey, babe.
The guy is such a flirt, but it doesn’t bother me. However, the rest of the text sends me spiraling.
Ethan
My throat was hurting yesterday, and I woke up today to a nasty cold. Sorry, but I can’t make it.
I wish you and everyone else the best with filming and I hope you find another talented/hot actor to take my place <3
Though, who can be as hot as me? Lol.
I close my eyes and breathe in through my nose. I can have a panic attack when I’m in the comfort of my apartment or Carson’s room, but I refuse to freak out about the lack of actors in public.
Though when it comes to any negative feelings, I tend to forget that I’m not good at hiding.
