The oven is hot. I slide the shaped dough onto the peel. Let Ben sprinkle sauce with a spoon. She’s methodical about it. Spreading in circles from the center out.
“Like Daddy taught me,” she announces.
Pride hits me unexpectedly. “That’s right.”
Jess is cutting mozzarella. I’m watching her hands. Those fingers that felt so good wrapped around me. That mouth that tasted like sin and lavender and home.
I turn back to the oven before I do something stupid.
The pizza bakes. We watch through the glass door. Ben is pressed against my leg. Jess is beside her.Close enough that I could touch. I could pull her against me... show her exactly what I’ve been thinking about since that night.
Instead I explain Maillard reaction. Gluten structure. Why high heat matters.
“You can see pizza growing!” Ben shouts suddenly. She’s pointing at the crust puffing up.
“You can see pizza growing,” Jess repeats, delighted. “Ben, that’s perfect.”
“Plants grow but you can’t see it. But pizza grows and you can!” Ben is bouncing now. “Frederick, look! Pizza growing!”
She grabs the plush and runs to show it the pizza. “Now look at the plants!” She carries Frederick over to the herb planters next.
Jess watches her go. “She’s incredible.”
“She is.”
“You’re doing a good job with her.”
The words land heavy. Because I’m not. Not really. I’m just surviving. Keeping routines. Building walls. Pretending structure equals parenting.
Jessis the one doing the good job.
“I was wrong,” I admit. “About Messy Hour.”
“Were you?”
“Yeah. I thought it would make things harder. But she needed it. And you know what? We didn’t even have to remake the pizzas. Everything was fine the first time.”
“That’s true. And even if the pizzas were ruined, to be honest, we all need mess sometimes.” Jess is looking at the city now. At the buildings glowing in the dusk. “Order matters. But so does disorder. They balance each other.”
I know she’s not just talking about flour.
The door to the stairwellopens.
Ethan’s head appears. “Yo. Hope I’m not interrupting.”
Ben runs over. “Uncle Ethan! We made pizza! You can see it growing!”
He grins. Ruffles her curls. “That right? Sounds pretty cool.”
“What are you doing here?” I ask.
“Promised this one a first-aid kit.” He pulls a small kit from his jacket. Department swag from some union raffle. “Figured I’d drop it off.”
Ben takes it reverently. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome, kiddo.” He glances between me and Jess. Assessing. “Smells good up here. You got an extra slice?”
“One,” I say. Making it clear he’s not staying long.
