I take a breath and walk over.
As I pass through the doorway, I catch Marco’s figure in my peripheral vision. He’s standing just outside in the hallway, positioned where he can see through the open door. Far enough back to not interfere. Close enough to intervene if needed. His arms are crossed. Watching.
The teacher sees me and relief floods her face. “You must be Jessica. I’m Mrs. Chen.”
“Jess,” I correct automatically. “Just Jess.”
I crouch down to Ben’s level. I can feel Marco’s eyes on me. The weight of his trust. Or his doubt. Hard to tell which.
Ben won’t look at me. Her hands are balled into fists at her sides.
Think,Jess. Think.
“Hey Ben,” I say softly. “I know this is scary. New people are the worst, right?”
She doesn’t respond.
“I brought someone to meet you.” I dig into my tote and pull out the snail. “This is Frederick.”
Ben’s eyes flick to the plush. Just for a second. Interest wars with panic on her face.
I hold Frederick out to her. “He’s a little nervous about meeting you, too. First days are hard for everyone.”
She reaches for him. Her small fingers brush the soft fabric.
Then she grabs him. Like, really fast. And clutches him to her chest.
Victory.
But the victory is short-lived because she immediately drops Frederick on the floor and squeezes her eyes shut.
Oh shit.
Her lips start moving. She’s counting.
“One, two, three, four...”
Mrs. Chen leans in. “That’s good, Ben. Count to ten.”
But watching her count with her eyes squeezed shut and her whole body tense, I realize something.
This isn’t working.
Not really.
She’s just white-knuckling through the panic.
Counting without breathing? Who taught her that?
I pick up Frederick and set him aside. Then I do something probably against protocol. I pick Ben up. Just scoop her into my arms.
She’s tiny. Solid but tiny. And she smells like crayons and that generic kid shampoo.
“Shh, sweetie,” I murmur. “Let’s try something new. This is what I do whenever I get scared.”
Her eyes fly open. Wide and brown and so much like her father’s it makes my stupid heart clench.
Stop thinking about Marco. Now is not the time.
