The words hitlike a sucker punch.
Not interested.
Fuck me.
Stupid. This whole thing was stupid. Of course she’s not interested. Why would she be?
She spent one evening with me and after the most mind-blowing sex I’ve ever had I left like a coward. She probably thinks I’m an asshole.
She’s probably right.
And now I’ve blown any chance at having her close.
Which is good. Smart. Safer for everyone.
Except it doesn’t feel good.
It feels like loss.
Like watching something I wanted slip through my fingers before I even had a chance to hold it.
I set the phone down. Force myself to focus. On Ben. She’s asking Rosa something about tomorrow’s lunch. And when Matilda will get here.
This is fine.
This is better.
Jess Riley staying out of my life means I can keeppretending last night didn’t happen. It means I can maintain the careful distance I’ve built. And it means I don’t have to face the fact I want something I have no right to want.
But Christ.
It still feels like getting kicked in the ribs.
I pocket my phone and tell myself to move on.
Find another nanny.
Someone professional.
Someone who won’t make me feel like this.
Someone who isn’t her.
Damn it.
Not sure I can.
6
Jess
The rent notice stares at me from my kitchen counter like a judgmental aunt at Thanksgiving.
FINAL NOTICEin bold red letters. Very dramatic.
Very on brand for my life right now.
I’m lying in bed at nine thirty a.m. on a Wednesday, trying not to think about Marco.
