Not because I want her, though I do.
Not because she’s good at her job, though she is.
But because pulling her out of Ben’s life to fix my own inability to handle my feelings would be the exact kind of selfish control Gideon warned me about.
It would hurt Ben.
And I won’t do that.
Irefuseto do that.
Even if it means white knuckling my way through every debrief. Every kitchen conversation. Every moment she’s close enough to touch and I have to keep my hands to myself.
Even if it means lying awake thinking about how good she tastes.
Even if it kills me.
So it’s done.
She stays.
I feel more relieved than I probably should.
I open my laptop. Pull up the final contractor invoices for the Parent Lounge. Review the line items onemore time.
Wristband check. Stroller parking. Soothe kit with noise machine and ear defenders.
Quiet upgrades that make life easier without anyone needing to perform for the cameras.
The way Jess runs Brave Kitchen.
The way she parents Ben.
The way she moves through the world without needing proof it happened.
I approve the final invoice. Send it to Rahul. Text André to confirm the install schedule.
Then I close the laptop and just sit there.
Thinking about focaccia dough rising tonight. About Ben counting bubbles. About Jess’s hands in flour. About how I’ll stand too close and pretend I’m not memorizing the way she smells.
About how I’m choosing this.
The hard way.
The right way.
Fuck.
I’m totally screwed.
23
Jess
I’m elbow-deep in Ben’s hair products at six-thirty in the morning, trying very hard not to think about Marco’s mouth, when my phone buzzes with a text from Amara.
You need to see this.
