Always a catch.
Life ismise en placeand every ingredient has a purpose and I’m the idiot who keeps adding the wrong ones.
“But I don’t know if I’m doing this right,” I admit. “The dad thing. I keep everything on a schedule. Locked down. Safe. And it works. Mostly. But sometimes I wonder if I’m suffocating her instead of protecting her.”
“Are you asking me how to parent?” Gideon’s tone is dry. “Because I have kids who just learned the word ‘no’ and use it like a weapon. I wouldn’t say I’m particularly qualified.”
“I’m asking what you do...” I reply. “When you’re scared you’ll fuck it up.”
He’s quiet for a long moment. “If you confuse control with care, you’ll lose both.”
I stare at him.
Hestares back.
“What the hell does that mean?” I finally ask.
“It means you can’t micromanage love, Marco. You can set boundaries. Provide structure. Keep them safe. But if every decision is about maintaining your own sense of control, you’re not protecting them. You’re protecting yourself.”
Fuck.
Fuck.
I want to argue. Want to tell him he’s wrong. That my rules keep Ben alive. That structure is what she needs after losing her mother. That I’m doing this because I love her, not because I’m terrified of failing.
But the words stick in my throat.
“At Vegas,” I hear myself say. “Five years ago. The bachelor party. I met someone the night before my wedding.”
Gideon’s expression doesn’t change. “Did you sleep with her?”
“No. But I wanted to.” The admission tastes like rotten veal. “Wanted her so badly I ran. Literally sprinted back to my hotel room because I knew if I stayed another five minutes I’d blow up my entire life.”
“And then?”
“And then I married Isotta anyway. Had a daughter. Built a life. Loved my wife.” I pause. Swallow hard. “But I never forgot that other woman. Never stopped thinking about her. Even when I was happy. Even when I should have been grateful for what I had.”
“That’s not uncommon,” Gideon says carefully. “Attraction doesn’t stop just because you make a commitment.”
“It’s more than attraction.” My voice drops. “I hired a private investigator to track her. For months.Just to know where she was. What she was doing. If she was happy.”
The silence that follows is so thick I could plate it.
“That’s concerning,” Gideon finally says.
“I know.”
“Obsessive, actually.”
I’m gazing at my hands now, currently balled into fists. “I fucking know.”
“And now?”
I swallow. Look him in the eye. “Now she’s my daughter’s nanny.”
Gideon blinks. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen him surprised. “You hired the woman you’ve been obsessed with for five years to live in your house and take care of your child?”
“I didn’t plan it that way. I just, well, her brother is my best friend, and she needed the job... and Ben needed stability... and I thought I could handle it.”
