Exhaustion clings to his features, making his blinks slow and his face sag slightly.
His jaw clicks as if he’s fighting a yawn, and when he looks at me, all I see is the tiredness from an impossibly long day on top of the drive over here.
“I’m sorry,” I say. “It was dumb. I found those decorations and I thought it would be a nice thing to do, so I decorated. And it looked so pretty and I had such a nice time on our picnic that I wanted to do more, so I dressed up, but then I fell asleep.” Tears warm back in my eyes and my voice cracks. “When your sister found me… she looked so disgusted.”
“No, Snow. I am sorry. I had no idea she was coming to visit again so I didn’t think it through that she had a key. And I’m sorry she made you feel that way.”
“She’s right, though. She cares about you and she’s protective, so she knows this is dangerous.”
Xander sucks in air through his teeth and nods. “If you agree with her, then I can walk away. Nothing will change at work. I’ll still treat you with respect?—”
“No.” My hand shoots out and clasps over one of Xander’s cool hands. “I’m not… no, don’t talk like that. I don’t… I thoughtyouwould agree with her and this would just be over. I thought I was losing this amazing thing that came into my life, but now you’re here and you said all those nice things and I just…” I study his face, shaking my head. “How can you think I’m worth risking your career?”
“How can you think you are not?” Xander says softly. “I meant exactly what I said. I’ve been existing and I want to live, for as long as you will have me.”
Me.
Just me.
Not a baby and definitely not one belonging to another man.
I tighten my grip on Xander’s hand. “I like you,” I whisper. “A lot. Maybe too much. It’s been a lot so fast, and you’ve already helped me so much with a place to stay and your lawyer friend and I feel like I’m taking advantage.”
“Snow, you only feel like that because you’re not used to someone taking care of you. Nothing I’ve done is extreme. It’s all natural and rather small by most standards. But it feels big to you because of everything you went through with your ex. I’m not…” He pauses and winces. “I don’t want it to sound like I’m trying to persuade you. I’m here and I want you. If you want me.That’s all that matters. Everything else…” He waves his hand. “We can work it out.”
I could lose myself in his eyes.
The embarrassment still lingers as I replay Thea’s face over in my mind, but Xander is here with me, and that means just as much as all his lovely words. “What about your sister?”
Xander winces faintly. “I will deal with her.”
“What if she tells someone?”
“She won’t. She’s concerned for me. She won’t make herself the cause of that concern.”
I manage a small smile. “I feel so foolish.”
“That feeling will pass,” Xander says softly. “But I need you to tell me what you want.”
“I want you.” My voice is barely above a whisper now, as if the confession will be stolen away.
Xander leans in close enough that I can pick out the flecks of gold in his eyes. “Then you have me.”
“Promise?”
“I promise.” His cool fingers slide along my jaw as he cups my face, then he leans in and presses a very gentle kiss to my lips. A kiss he deepens until his lips part and Xander… yawns. “I’m so sorry!”
Laughter bubbles up, soft and warm, and I lean in and kiss his chin. “I’m tired. You must be exhausted.”
“I am, but I had to come and fix this. I had to let you know how I feel.”
“I’m so glad you did.” My fingers slide up into Xander’s hair and within minutes, he’s settled on the couch with his head in my lap and my blanket draped over the two of us.
I have no desire to move and Xander’s warmth around me is more soothing than anything else.
I can’t believe he drove here at three in the morning to talk to me.
It’s difficult to keep certain thoughts at bay like how this wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t stripped down to my underwear, but then again, I wouldn’t know exactly how he feels.
