I’m still stuck onNoelle.
He’s never called me that before. It’s so cold and clinical. Is it because I’m a patient right now?
“I think I remember the crash,” I murmur. “I remember these blinding lights and… all these awful sounds.” My eyes close briefly. “Oh, God, it was terrifying.”
“The police will be around at some point to take your statement,” he says. “Once you’re feeling up to it.”
I reach out to him. In this moment, I don’t give a shit about our jobs or reputation or anything. I need comfort and I need him, consequences be damned.
Although Xander does take a step closer, he doesn’t take my outstretched hand and it quickly becomes too tiring to hold it up. “Why can’t I feel anything?”
“Fred made several small incisions along your abdomen and below your ribs in order to operate. He’s got you on some pretty strong painkillers to combat that, so you won’t feel anything for an hour or two.”
So I wouldn’t even be able to feel his hand in mine.
That doesn’t stop me from craving the warmth of his touch, the familiarity of those fingers weaving with mine and the comfort it would bring.
I’m about to reach for him again when he speaks.
“When did you find out you were pregnant?”
His question cuts through me like a blade of ice and my heart lurches painfully in my chest, once again broadcast on the monitor beside me.
“I’m not?” The lie slips out of me with practiced ease and not a lot of thought.
“Please don’t lie to me, Noelle,” Xander replies tightly. “You’ve just been in an accident. Fred had to get OBGYN down to ensure your baby was unharmed in the crash. It’s fine, by the way. And I saw it on your medical records.”
My sluggish thoughts scramble over themselves as the bubble of Xander and me fades with each use of my name.
“Snow,” I croak. “Call me Snow.”
“When?” he repeats. “When did you know?”
My lips part but no sound escapes while my heart begins to race in my chest.
He can’t know.
This isn’t how he’s supposed to find out. “Why were you looking at my records?”
Is that the best thing I can say?
“I was your primary care physician, remember?” Xander reminds me, and his voice trembles faintly. “Why won’t you answer me?”
“Because I’m not— wait, was? Are you not anymore?”
Xander’s dark eyes lock on mine. “I couldn’t operate on you, Noelle. I couldn’t do it. I tried but when I found out about the baby, I was utterly incapable of doing my job. So please tell me the truth.”
“I am telling?—”
“Don’t lie to me, Noelle. And don’t tell me you had no idea because it was in your records. You knew. You knew and you didn’t tell me.” His voice rises slightly and he takes a half step back.
“No, Xander. It–It’s not what you think.”
“Then tell me.”
My head presses back hard into the pillow as weak tears slowly fill my eyes. “I found… I found out when I got the all clear after the needle. The nurse called me to let me know.”
“Since then?” His voice lowers. “So it’s not mine?”
