I hold my hand out to her, and she takes it, “No matter your decision, I will always be with you.Till death can we live.” She takes in a deep breath, and as she is calming herself, I take my last shot, “Dove, I was wrong for keeping all of this from you. I just wanted to know what it was like to feel again.” My chest begins to tighten.
“I’ve always protected you from the moment you took your first breath. I was tethered to your family since before you were born.” I fight to keep my voice steady, “Not a moment in my afterlife did I ever believe that I could be there for you, or with the relationship we have built, after you took your last breath.”Breathe in. Breathe out,“I’m not proud of the night I failed you, but I don’t regret anything that came after. Please... stay with me.”
The walls are closing in on me. “Please choose me. We can watch over her... protect her from beyond the grave. We can help try to keep her on the straight and narrow.” I fall to my knees before her. I beg for nothing, but I am about to lose the only thing that makes me feel whole, “I would have never had a chance to woo you in life, and before I was ok with that.”
Please look at me, why won’t she look at me?
She is sitting there staring at her sister’s sleeping body, “Please let me fight for you in death. Emory Evangeline Selby, will you please spend eternity with me?”
Still no answer, she hasn’t even budged, then Evelyn cried out her name. That attention seeking—wait, no, I am being the attention seeker with my pathetic pleading.
For once, Evelyn was right—she must be the center of attention, and I need to respect that.
Then Emory speaks, her voice is soft and angelic.
∞∞∞
Evelyn
The lights are so bright that a headache from hell has my eyes glued shut. I know I heard her voice, though, and I would be ok with just her voice, “Emory?” I call out, praying for a response as I listen:
Evelyn,
My beautiful sister.
I love you so much. I need you to hear me. I need you to know—this was not your fault. Not even a little. I didn’t get to say goodbye, and I know that silence haunts you. But I am at peace. I promise.
We had our moments, didn’t we? Like when you told Mom I ate all the Halloween candy, knowing full well it was that stray cat you snuck into the house. Or when we used her gardening gloves to wash dishes because thewater burned our hands. We got in trouble, sure—but even then, we were laughing. We were always laughing.
The whirlpools. The secret tea parties. The way we made magic out of nothing. Those memories will find you when you least expect them. Let them. Let yourself cry. I’ll be crying with you.
You’ll feel it forever—that space where I used to be. Like something was torn from you. Because it was. You’ll feel lost. Like the darkness never ends. And maybe it doesn’t. But the light will start to flicker again. Slowly. Gently.
You’ll want to scream. Curse the world. Curse me. Do it. I’ll be right there beside you, screaming too. But don’t forget this:
You are strong.
You are brave.
You are wanted.
You. Will. Survive.
There will come a time when you’ll need to talk to me. And I’ll be there. In the quiet. In the stillness. Whenever you see a dove—that’s me. Just checking in. Just reminding you: I never left.
I want you to live. To love. To grow. To build a life so full it spills over. Have a family. Dance in the kitchen. Get old. Laugh until your ribs ache.
And when the time is right, I’ll bewaiting—Always.
The image of an intricate bench flashes before me and I focus on the etching:
My Dove,
Not till death can you be mine
Emory Evangeline Selby
1992-2021
