Zeth takes a step toward me, and his whole arm merges into mine, his shoulder pressing against mine, but also inside myshoulder, and I gasp out loud because I start feeling him deeper than just my physical body. Not only in my muscles and bones anymore, I feel him in my chest, in my lungs when I breathe, and in my heartbeat. My heart picks up speed and hammers against my ribs. Adrenaline floods my system, and I feel like I’m breaking into a fever.
I realize he’s connecting to my nervous system. I can feel him threading through nerves, spreading like roots, and every nerve ending suddenly becomes more sensitive. I can feel my own heartbeat in my fingertips, and blood rushing through veins. Everything is amplified and heightened.
I look up at his face. He’s close now, so close. His brows are furrowed in concentration, and his black eyes are focused on something internal, probably feeling the connection forming. His jaw is tight. Looking at him this close makes something twist in my stomach.
A thought strikes me unbidden: this is so intimate. My core tightens in response, and heat pools low in my belly. My panties become wet. I’m horrified by my body’s reaction and try to push the thought away, but it’s too late. He’s inside my nervous system now. He felt that.
I see the exact moment he catches the thought. His hairless eyebrows shoot up, and his black eyes go wide with shock. He stares at me like he can’t believe what he just felt, mouth opening slightly, frozen in surprise.
I immediately yank my arm free and stumble backward, nearly losing my balance. Zeth’s arm slips out of me like pulling a hand from water – a strange, sliding sensation as he exits my body that leaves me feeling empty and cold. I press my hand to my chest and can still feel the echo of him inside me, a ghost sensation of his presence that makes my skin prickle.
I look away from him. I try to control my shallow breathing. My face is burning with humiliation. It wasn’t fair to him tosense my arousal like that. I’m ashamed that I can’t seem to keep my body in check. This should have been a simple merge – professional and clinical – and instead, I practically attacked his senses with my unexpected reaction. He’s probably feeling uncomfortable now, disgusted maybe, wondering what kind of person gets turned on by something like this.
“It’s too much,” I say, and my voice is shaking now. “I can’t do it. This is impossible. I can’t let you inside me like that. It’s unnatural. Not something I can handle.”
I turn toward the door because I need to get out of this room, away from him, away from what just happened.
“I’ll speak to Holt,” I throw over my shoulder. “Find another solution.”
I manage three steps before his hand closes around my wrist and stops me in my tracks. I freeze and stare down, expecting his skin to melt into mine again, expecting him to slip inside, but his hand stays solid.
“I understand,” he says, and his voice is gentle and patient. “I know how hard this is. But it will get easier. It’s always a shock at first. Hosts adapt on the second or third try.”
His thumb rubs a small circle on the inside of my wrist, and he probably doesn’t realize he’s doing it. I find it hard to form words, because his skin on mine feels like it’s burning me, that fire spreading up my arm and through my shoulder, and down into my chest. It makes my heart race again and makes breathing difficult.
“I’m sorry,” I say, my voice barely above a whisper. “But I can’t do it.”
I hate how weak I sound, hate that I’m failing before the mission has even started.
“I understand,” Zeth says again. “I won’t push you. Clearly, it’s too soon.” He pauses. “But will you stay? We can train in hand-to-hand combat instead. Skip the merging for now.”
I hesitate, because I don’t know what to do. On one hand, I can’t merge with him. I can’t stand the idea that he’ll feel everything I feel. He just felt my arousal, and that’s mortifying enough for one night. What else will he feel if we merge completely?
But on the other hand, I know what Captain Holt will say. It’s imperative I work with Zeth or the mission is off. I’ve already spent months preparing. I can’t walk away now.
I take a deep breath and nod slowly.
“Okay,” I say, and my voice is steadier now. “But take it easy on me.”
He lets go of my hand and puts some blessed distance between us.
His massive frame towers over me, with broad shoulders and muscled arms. He’s made of adaptive organic matter that can reshape itself however he wants. He could probably grow four arms if he wanted to, could harden his skin into armor, could crush me without even trying.
I shake my head at the absurdity of what I’m about to do and take a defensive stance anyway. Feet shoulder-width apart, knees slightly bent, hands up to protect my face. Ready even though I know I’m outmatched.
Zeth looks at me. The silver markings on his skin pulse slightly, growing just a shade brighter. His shoulders roll back, and muscles shift under his skin.
“You want me to take it easy?” he asks, and there’s the hint of a smile at the corner of his mouth. “All right.”
He takes his own fighting stance.
“But I think you can handle more than you believe.”
Chapter Five
Zeth
I square off against Wren on the training mat and tell myself to focus. This is just work. The failed merge attempt doesn’t matter right now. What matters is making sure she can defend herself when I’m not there to protect her, because when we’re on the mission, I will have to leave her to meet with her handler and pass on information. Of course, I will make sure she is safe in her room, under lock, but one can never be too cautious when working with the literal mafia.
