I wake up in pain, every muscle in my body screaming at me to stay in bed and never move again. The training session with Zeth destroyed me, and when I try to roll out of bed, I barely manage it. My legs shake when my feet hit the floor, and my arms feel like they’ve been beaten with a bat. That last move he pulled, throwing me off him and sending me sprawling across the mat, left me with bruises I can feel blooming across my ribs and hip.
I wasn’t going to tell him about it, though. I’m not going to complain or let him think I’m weak. I stood my ground against a literal monster last night, and even though I know he pulled his punches, I wasn’t half bad.
I limp into the bathroom and start filling the tub with hot water, dumping in some bath salts that promise relaxation. While the water runs, I strip off my clothes and stand in front of the mirror, inspecting the damage. There’s a bruise on my left hip, dark purple and tender to the touch, and another one on my ribs, just below my breast. My shoulders ache, and there are finger-shaped marks on my wrists where he grabbed me during one of the drills.
I wince, but I’m also proud. I fought a symbiote and lived to tell the tale.
As I look at myself in the mirror, I notice the shapes of my body. Or more like the lack of them. I’m a field agent, I train every day, so I’m all angles and sharp edges. Not curvy. Just lean and strong, with small breasts and narrow hips.
Not a lot of men find me attractive, at least not the way I want them to. I’ve always been a bit self-conscious about it. I like that my body is healthy, that I can do things most people can’t do physically, but rounder shapes wouldn’t have hurt. When I was a teenager, I even considered getting breast implants later, butthen I changed my mind. This is the body I have, it’s strong, and it works.
Still, I wish sometimes that I looked more feminine. More desirable.
I sink into the hot water and close my eyes, letting the heat work into my sore muscles. My mind drifts back to yesterday’s training, to the way Zeth pinned me to the mat with his body pressed against mine. The weight of him, the strength, the control… I felt small underneath him, and for once in my life, it didn’t make me feel weak. It made me feel something else entirely.
Something I don’t want to think about too much, or I’ll just get worked up and end up masturbating in the bathtub thinking about him, which would be ridiculous.
I grab my phone from the edge of the tub and stare at his number in my contacts. I should text him and schedule another training session, maybe not today because I’m too sore, but soon. Or maybe suggest another meeting so we can attempt the merge again. But I can’t make myself do it.
I can’t believe a stranger made me feel all those things yesterday. I can’t believe a literal monster, a symbiote whom everyone calls a parasite, managed to reach so deep inside me and stir those desires back to life.
I put my phone down and lean my head back against the tub. I’ll wait and see if he texts first.
The day passes uneventfully. I watch movies and gorge on pizza, checking my phone more often than I should.
The next day, I still don’t text Zeth, and he doesn’t text me either. I stare at his number a few times, almost typing out a message, but then I put my phone away. I tell myself he’s probably busy, or maybe he’s avoiding me, which stings a little, but it’s not like I’m not doing the same thing.
This is a work situation, and I should definitely not be reacting like a fool with a crush. I’m being ridiculous.
On the third day, I’m called into a meeting with Captain Holt, and I begrudgingly leave my apartment.
“How’s it going with Zeth?” he asks as soon as I sit down.
We’re back in the conference room, pictures and sketches of the Kyzer crime family pinned on the board that covers almost an entire wall.
I force a smile.
“Great. We’ve started training.”
“Good.” He leans back in his chair, studying me. “I want you to start the mission earlier than planned.”
My stomach drops.
“How much earlier?”
“Today. You and Zeth will move into a motel room on the east side and hole up there to wait for the Kyzers to make contact. Every day, you’ll leave the motel and go into the shady parts of town to look for work. Show your face in bad neighborhoods, clubs, anywhere a desperate chemist without a job might go. You need to put yourself out there sooner rather than later, before the Kyzers consider a different chemist.”
I feel my chest tighten.
“We’re not ready. We didn’t have enough time to get used to the merge.”
I don’t tell him that an actual merge didn’t happen, that I pulled away from Zeth before we could finish, and that I’ve been avoiding him for two days because I can’t handle what he makes me feel.
Holt waves a hand dismissively.
“You can practice in the motel room. There’s no time to waste, Hayes. You and Zeth need to get used to working together, to actually being together in the same body. Jumping right into it will help.”
I want to argue, but I can’t. For all he knows, the merge was successful the first time. It’s not supposed to be such a big deal for a symbiote to merge with a host. I can’t possibly tell him how I reacted, or how he reacted to me. At least, I think he did. I also suspect Zeth has been avoiding me, which means this is a mess on both sides.
