I’ll give her what she wants.
Since she and everyone else is so fucking desperate.
I lean forward, shove the voice box off her face, and kiss her.
She stops moving, her mouth remaining closed, and I’m taken aback by the fact that she isn’t reciprocating.
She grabs my arms and pushes me off her.
I stare.
I stare inshock.
“What’s wrong with you?” I shout, getting to my feet. “Touch me—take me!That’s what you and everyone else wants, isn’t it? For me to belong to you? To fucking claim me just so you can throw me away or disappear later?”
She shakes her head, and I don’t know that I can do this anymore.
“I was doing fine until you came back,” I sob. “All of this is because ofyou. Because of what you’ve done. You’ve RUINED my life! From the very first time you showed up, things just got worse, and you threw yourself in the middle so you could call yourself a hero. You’re not a hero. You’re the villain. You should have let them finish me that night! You had to interfere. You had to stop them and hurt one of their friends. If you’d just let them get their dicks wet, this would be done! You—” I grab the lamp on my dresser and hurdle it across the room.
“Get out… GET OUT!”
I’m screaming so loudly that I can’t feel my throat, can’t hear my own thoughts.
“GET OUT!”
Get out.
Please leave.
Get out.
Get out.
Get out of my mind.
I press my hands to my temples and move my head, hoping to fuck it’ll shake out the invading thoughts, the darkness threatening to consume me. I can see her again. I see her struggling to keep her eyes open, her lips trying to move, the hoarse breath of the words she so desperately wants to say.
Stop.
Get off of me.
My head hits the corner barstool, and I completely break.
I break for the girl on the floor. I break for the helpless whispers and seconds she tried to fight back. God, she tried. She tried. She couldn’t fight them off. She couldn’t escape their greed.
I break for the one who just felt love for the first time, for the girl who just wanted her mother to be okay, and who didn’t know how to handle that pain.
And I break for the girl who still thinks she doesn’t deserve to take another breath.
I’ve hurt too many people. Lost my cool too many times. I’ve pushed away best friends and people who wanted to love me. I’m fucked up. I’m tired of feeling this. I’m tired of fighting and being told to be strong.
I want to be allowed to be weak for one fucking moment.
And I hope that moment fucking kills me from the inside out.
I barely hear the door click, barely register anything else except for how much I’m trembling and ripping at the roots of my hair.
Numb. Weak. I don’t have the strength to fight this. It’s over.
