The worst part is that I thought I was helping when I sent her into that dressing room.
After she fell asleep, I stayed up thinking about all the ways to punish myself for letting this happen, all the things I should have changed and done differently. I’m itching for a drain, for a blade. I deserve to hurt even more for this. I deserve to watch the blood that keeps my body going dripping down my thighs.
A door opens nearby. I try to swipe the tears from my cheeks and take a deep breath, though air hardly fills my lungs. Someone flips out a lawn chair beside me seconds later, and when they take a seat, I don’t bother peering over to see who it is.
“I’m fine, Kade,” I say, assuming.
The person presses a hot coffee my way, and the sight of the skull face tattoo on his hand makes me tense. I lift my head out of my hands, finding Mads relaxed in the lawn chair, ankle propped up over his knee, a Young Decay t-shirt under his usualopen, red plaid button-down. His sage eyes meet mine, brows lifting expectantly when he extends the coffee to me again.
“Hi,” I manage, taking the hot bean water. “I didn’t realize anyone else was awake.”
He smoothes back his mustache and takes a sip of his own. “I like waking up before anyone else,” he says. “It helps me work through the shit that kept me awake all night.”
“I’m sorry you didn’t sleep,” I say, finally pressing my lips to the warm cup.
“Me, too.” He pauses for a beat, and the longer he sits there, the more wary I get. I know he’s itching to say something, and there’s a knot in my stomach telling me I’m not going to like it.
“What’s on your mind, Mads?” I ask.
“We’re going to have a chat in a few days,” he replies.
“If it’s about the attack, I’m handling it,” I tell him. “I have leads—”
“It isn’t about the attack.” He uncrosses his leg and leans up so that he’s level with me. “Not entirely. I’m not worried about the person who got to her. Seeing you, realizing some things… I know you have her. I know you’ll take care of it.”
I glance his way, my entire body on alert. “What’s this about, then?”
He leans sideways and grabs something from his back pocket. Something black. Something with sequins and studs and…
Fuck.
And when he sits it across my knee, I feel like the world just collapsed on my shoulders.
“That’s yours, right?” he asks, settling back in the chair.
“Where did you get that?” I ask.
“I saw some things that made me curious last night on my walk, so I took a look around your trailer,” he says.
“A bit invasive for a hunch, isn’t it?” I ask as I take another sip of coffee. “Did you also snoop through Kade and Liam’s things?”
He scoffs. “Maybe a little.”
I glance at the half-mask, the voice changer box inside it. “It’s just a mask. You have plenty of them.”
“That’s fair. We could talk about the rampage you went on last night instead,” he says with a shrug.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Breathe.
He doesn’t have anything.
Mads takes another sip of his coffee and sits back in his chair. “What makes you think Rad had something to do with all this? Why would he attack Bonnie?”
“Why do you think he’s one of my suspects?” I ask.
“Because you threw him into a wall and told him he had his revenge, to leave her alone. And then he asked if she knew. Which… honestly fucking adds up. All this time I thought you just had a crush. But it’s a lot more than that, isn’t it?”
