There’s a beat of quiet. I can hardly bring myself to look up at him, and I start backing away as everything begins to cave in.
“Bonnie? What’s going on with you?” he asks hesitantly. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. I’m fine—what, do you need to see my arms? To make sure I’m not cutting myself again? Would you like to make sure I’m not using any needles—”
“Kid, calm down.”
“I’m not a kid anymore!”
Why can’t I breathe?
Why am I yelling at him?
I can’t stand out here like this. The guys are going to hear me. I’m going to hurt him, and I don’t want to hurt him.
I don’t want to hurt him.
“Bonnie, will you just… Can we talk?” he asks slowly.
“No,” I say, swallowing. “No, I can’t. We have to go. The bus is pulling out to the next city. This is my life now, my friends, the band, the music. This is what I have to think about. Tell her… Tell her she can call me if she wants me to come home.”
“Bonnie!”
“Goodbye, Dad.”
Because I have to go before I say something I’ll regret more than this.
I turn on my heel and head back toward the bus, though not before I feel his hand on my arm.
“Bonnie, wait—”
I snatch out of his arms so quickly that he stumbles. His eyes are lined with tears when he gets his balance and meets my gaze.Fuck. There’s nothing except pain, regret, and absolute sadness there.
And I’m trembling when I whisper, “Bye, Dad.”
He doesn’t bother coming after me this time.
I’m holding in my tears when my feet hit the bus steps, and by the time I reach my drink, I’m holding my breath. I don’tbother going for my ready-made tumbler drink and instead reach for the nearly empty vodka handle.
“Whoa, Bon—”
The empty bottle lands with a hollow thud on the floor seconds later, and I grab the next one.
“Ah… easy, Bon,” Mads says. “It’s barely ten A.M.”
“Shut the fuck up unless you have something stronger,” I snap.
Mads’ brows raise and I realize I’ve never spoken to him like that.
Shit.
Shit.Shit.
“Bon? Everything okay?”
It’s Zeb’s voice that catches my attention this time.
I tip the bottle back, peering between them. “So? Do you have anything stronger?” I ask.
