Kade is keeping an eye on you in the meantime.
It’s okay.
Next time.
“You looklike someone punched you in the gut,” Darcy says from the other end of the bench.
We’ve moved from the coffee shop to the skate park—a favorite pastime for both of us. Even if neither of us skates now, we still love watching and reminiscing.
“Ah… it’s nothing.” I place my phone on the bench and bring my foot into the seat. “Gemma can’t make it. Something came up.”
Darcy’s head tilts, a smirk toying on their lips. I see it out of the corner of my eye, and I squint their way.
“What?”
Darcy chuckles softly and pushes their blonde hair off their face. “Nothing. It’s just nice to see you feeling something.”
Leave it to Darcy to see straight through me—just like they always have.
Ever since that first meeting when I stood quietly in a corner, arms crossed over my chest like I thought I didn’t need meetings to get sober, Darcy saw me.
“Ha. Isn’t that the point?” I ask. “Feeling all the good, bad, and ugly? Including the shit I wish I could block out?”
“I would argue that the point is to have memories that don’t include struggling for that next fix,” Darcy says. “This is a new struggle for you. Something’s different about this one.”
I nod and stare at my hands.
“Do you actually like her?”
I lean up, eyes focused on a young woman riding one of the rails. I wince when she wipes out, but she gets back up and goes at it again as if she meant to fall.
“I don’t know. I think I want to. I think… I think she could be something good for me, maybe exciting… something new and positive,” I admit.
Both of us verbally grimace at another skater.
“I felt that one in my knees,” I say about the fall.
“I shattered my elbow on almost that exact fall,” Darcy says. “I didn’t even feel it when it happened. It was only after the pills had worn down that I was like shit, I should go to the hospital.”
“That’s the worst,” I almost laugh.
A quiet beat passes between us. I peer at my phone on the bench again when it silently lights up. It’s just Mads texting me with a voice memo.
“Does that scare you?” Darcy asks.
“Breaking my arm?” I frown sideways at Darcy, confused at the question.
“No.” Darcy chuckles softly. “Gemma. Something new and exciting. Does that scare you?”
I was afraid this was what they meant.
“Yeah,” I say, meeting their pale green eyes. “Yeah, how could it not? I haven’t let anyone in romantically since Kelsey. And losing her…” I slump back, still toying with an elastic hair tie when I sigh. “Losing her was one of my triggers.”
“So… you’re going to live the rest of your life scared that you’re not strong enough to handle agony without something to numb it?” Darcy asks.
I eye Darcy. “Really not nice to see through someone’s pain like that,” I joke.
Darcy shrugs. “It’s what I do.”
