“This show is still going on?” she asked upon seeing what was playing.
“Must be a marathon,” I said.
“I love this episode—“ she laughed at the antics on the TV, her mouth full, and then reached for the remote to turn up the volume. “Have you seen this one?”
“I haven’t,” I answered.
“Oh shit—” She was laughing so hard that she moved off-balance, and I couldn’t stop staring at her. Eventually, her laughter faded, and on her third slice of pizza, she slumped back into the seat again.
“This pizza is so good,” she continued, eyes closing and satisfied noises coming from her. “Sogood.”
“If I’d known all it took was pizza to make you orgasm, I’d have taken you to dinner first,” I bantered. “Though, I’m not sure we would have made it through the appetizers. I wonder…” I tore off a piece of crust and popped it back, “how long do you think it would have taken the waitresses to notice my fingers sliding in and out of that beautiful wet pussy during dessert?”
“We lasted all the way to dessert?” she asked, brows elevating.
“I think I would have teased you just to see people watch,” I said. “I wouldloveto see people trying not to get off at the sight of that fucking face you make when you’re about to come.”
A confident smirk spread wide on her lips. “No, we would have taken dessert to go in your Jeep,” she countered. “And I would have ridden backwards on that throbbing cock while you sped down the highway.”
“Specific,” I said, though the image had me shifting in my seat.
She chewed off another bite of pizza, smiling broadly. “Everyfantasy… or was that not what you promised me?”
I grinned at my own tease before taking another slice of pizza off the table. “Whatever you desire,” I said.
The TV show went on, and together, we laughed. I nearly choked on my food once, and she gave me a hard time about choking, to which I ended up pulling her into my lap. She situated her legs across my lap after a while, and I took up massaging her calves as we sat up to watch shit infomercial TV.
“I don’t want to work tomorrow,” she said when things got quiet.
“Big projects?” I asked.
“Well… most of my clients are in fashion. Valentine’s pretty much marks our launch into spring adverts. It’s so weird to switch directly from sweaters and coats into shorts and tanks. But that’s the industry here.” She leaned on her hand, and I could see a fatigue taking over as she asked, “What about you? Is your office here or do you work remotely?”
“I do much of my work remotely,” I answered. “But, my home and office are in California.” I dwelt to look her way. “I fly out in the morning.”
A heavy sigh left her, and she sat up on her knees. “Can I literally tell you how relieved that makes me?” she asked as she straddled her legs over my lap, our hands entwining together.
“That I don’t live here?” I asked, skin tingling at her fingers brushing with mine.
“Yes,” she replied. “I didn’t want you to think this was going any further than tonight,” she admitted. “I work seventy hours a week, mostly in my pajamas at home without showering for days in between,” and I laughed at the admission, making her do the same.
A beat of quiet settled there in that room, and I took the few seconds to watch her face soften, a faint blush rise on her cheeks.
“I think you would be an awful distraction from what I want right now,” she continued. “And I’m not ready to give that up or put myself in a position that would make it unfair to you.”
“Not ready to, or unwilling?”
She paused, her hands toying with mine. “Can I be totally honest with you?”
“I think I can handle that,” I said, and she smiled at him in response before sighing so heavily that her shoulders drooped, and she began to rub the insides of her wrist where she had a small raven tattoo on her pulse point.
“After my last relationship, I think I’m utterly terrified that I’ll lose myself for someone again,” she admitted. “I lost everything about who I had become. It’s like this switch just turned off, and I became someone I didn’t know. I shut out my family. I stopped talking to friends. And after that relationship ended, I didn’t know who to be. I had lost so much during that time that I had nowhere to go and no one to turn to. I fell into this…hole. I threw myself into work and everything I could get my hands on. I drank. I cried. I tried things that…” Her voice trailed, a glisten rising in her eyes, and she glanced up at the ceiling.
“And then one day, I looked up, and years had passed.” Her voice was shaking, but she just shook her head as she stifled whatever emotion had threatened to surface. “I have workedsohard at finding myself again,” she said. “I finally got my family back. I found a job that I love that is on my own time… I found reading and nature. A couple of friends who are actual friends and not just pretending… The thought of someone coming in and taking that from me is…” She stared at my shoulder, almost in a trance, exhaling audibly as she continued to brush her thumb over that tattoo.
“I just can’t lose myself again,” she finally said as she finally met my gaze.
I didn’t say anything. I wasn’t even sure I was supposed to. So, I continued rubbing her thigh, simply watching her. She laughed softly at herself after a few moments and wiped her cheek.
