I tucked my hair behind my ear and avoided his gaze. “Sorry to disappoint, but this is my first marriage.”
Atop a mountain?!That poor girl.
An audible sigh left him, and he clapped his hands on the armrests. “Well. Either way. Congratulations. I’m sure it’ll all work out,” he said as he stood. “Ready to get underway when you are,” he added.
“Let’s go,” I said. “Wait, did Tyler pay you for this flight yet?”
“I always get paid in advance,” the pilot assured me.
“Give Tyler back half. I’ll pay you for this leg of the trip and a tip.”
His eyes moved to one of the stewardesses, who shrugged, and he retrieved his phone to send an invoice. Call me paranoid, but with the possibility of Tyler and I breaking up, I didn’t want him to think he had paid for anything of mine.
I knew he loved money more than he loved me.
As I sat back in my chair, the captain’s previous questions and talk of that girl ran back through my mind. I wondered who this girl was that people seemed to be mistaking me for.
The plane lifted off the ground, and I decided to let it go as I leaned over to look out the window.
I had too many other things to worry about than figuring out who some stranger was that looked like me.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE - CHLOE
I COULDN’T SLEEP for a week after returning from the vineyards.
Tyler had landed in Tokyo that morning. The time difference between Tyler and me was astronomical, so we weren’t talking much.
And for the first time, I decided I didn’t care.
Atall.
I had once loved that he was gone so often. It gave me time to do my own thing, have my own life without him, and still feel loved and comfortable even in his absence. It excited me to see him—like every flight home was a special occasion. I’d plan a date, get waxed, meet him at the door in lingerie…
I was beginning to realize it shouldn’t have been like that. I shouldn’t have felt he needed to be a thousand miles away for me to have my independence. I shouldn’t have felt like any relationship was a trap and that the only way I could be myself was if my partner wasn’t there.
Shouldn’t the person you share your life with bring out the best parts of you, not make you feel you should hide them away?
I sank my head back onto the cushion, taking a break from the design I’d just been working on.
The worst part wasn’t that things with Tyler were going downhill or that I couldn’t sleep. No, the worst part was not talking to Gavin.
He had texted me a few more times throughout this last week and came by the office once, but I had ignored his messages and asked Jasmine to tell him I was in a meeting.
I remained mad at him, onlynotfor what he’d said, but rather for even saying it. I was furious that he had turned my life upside down and made me questioneverything.
Most of all, I was mad about how he made me feel.
Despite all of that, I desperately wanted to talk to him. I had picked up my phone multiple times over the last week to reply to his messages or send him photos of designs for his input, but I hesitated every time. Having him back in my life had made it feel so much more complete—like having a long-lost best friend return.
A best friend who I wanted to touch and kiss and wrap myself up in morning, noon, and night until neither of us could breathe.
I was so fucking needy for flirting and lascivious sex that anything less wasn’t worth the energy. I hadn’t had sex since May—whenever Tyler tried to initiate it, all I could see was Gavin’s stupid face. Intimacy with Tyler felt sowrong. Even just touching his hand threw me off. I wasn’t even sure I’d told him I loved him since Gavin had returned to my life.
Everything Gavin and Lana had said that day repeatedly played in my mind. I was walking through the last five years, day by day, investigating every feeling and why I’d had it.
Had I genuinely settled for Tyler because it was safe? Did I not think I deserved to feel any happier than I did when I was with him?
I exhaled an audible groan, the shape of the white ceiling fan staring back at me in the light of the television. I watched it spin around and around, hating being so confused and frustrated.
