“Do you think someone can change?” Gavin asked.
The word struck something in me. I’d heard those words before, seen someone down on their knees and promising things would be different.
“I don’t know,” I said. “I like to believe it, but in my experience, no.”
Gavin didn’t speak for some time; the only noises around us were the ocean waves and the seagulls. That serene noise and the smell of the salty air seemed to relax me, and having him in front of me… I don’t think my mind had been so at ease in a long while.
It felt good not to guard what I said, to be able to speak whatever came to mind and not be judged for it. Because I knew he wouldn’t. I knew there was nothing I could say that he would have balked at, no idea that he would have called outright stupid.
I had longed for that my entire life.
Gavin reached up to my face, his hand landing softly on my cheek. I didn’t realize my eyes were closed until I opened them to find him staring at me. My heart skipped, and warmth on my cheeks rose from within, not just from the sun hitting our skin.
Fuck, this feeling. It was hard being near him. It triggered every regretful bone in my body.
“I feel like I should have drunk more alcohol for this conversation,” I said, my voice almost shaking with nerves. His smile settled somewhere deep within me, and I had to stop myself from leaning in any further.
“How do you make me feel this way?” I whispered.
“What way?” he asked.
“Like I can be my complete self. Like…”
Like I’ve known you my entire life and every life before.
I didn’t say it, but it felt like an unspoken whisper between us, one that we shared in some repressed bubble that pulled us together again and again until our souls finally took peace in the comfort of the other’s embrace.
“I think it’s the vodka,” he whispered, and I laughed softly, my gaze darting down to the ground and back up. His laughter mingled with mine, that smile slowly faded as he watched me for a long moment, holding my face like if he let me go, I would disappear.
“I tried so long to find you,” he whispered.
There was real pain in his eyes, and a lump rose in my throat.
“Don’t say things like that,” I said, unsure if I could contain myself if he went on.
“You were a ghost,” he went on. “You deleted everything.”
“I had to,” I said.
“Why?”
“Gavin, there are things…” I took a step away from his embrace and turned away. I wasn’t ready to talk about why I’d gone dark back then or moved apartments. “There are things you don’t know,” I finally said, glancing back at him.
He nodded, and I was grateful for his understanding. The gap was closed between us again, and he took my hand in his, his lips pressing to my temple. Chills erupted on my skin.
“Will you tell me one day?” he asked.
I wanted to. It was something I hadn’t even told Tyler about. Of course, he’d never asked, and I didn’t strictly volunteer to talk about my ex.
Except for that night with Gavin.
I looked up at him, and I squeezed his hand. “Maybe I will. Maybe if you’re a good boy,” I said, trying to lighten things up.
He reached under my chin and gave it a flick. “That’s my line,” he said with a wink.
I could have kissed him for not pushing it.
My phone buzzed, and I pulled away to look at the text that had come through. From Ezzie, asking if I’d had a chance to look over the verbiage her team had sent over.
