So. Fucking.Stupid.
The bedroom door was closed when I went back inside. I poured myself a drink and chugged it back, then went to stand outside the bedroom door. I didn’t knock, even though I wanted to. I merely laid my forehead on the wood, pressed my hand against it, and closed my eyes.
I could hear her sniffing back tears, and I was desperate to know what she was thinking. I wanted to hold her and help her work through it. I wanted to answer every question she had. No one should have had to figure that out on their own.
I was a monster.
It was well past midnight before I saw her again.
I hadn’t been able to rest and instead sat outside, knowing if I’d stayed indoors, I would stare at the bedroom door until I had lost my mind.
Her touch was soft on my shoulder as she emerged onto the balcony. My heart caved at it, and I reached up to take her hand in mine, kissing her knuckles as she sat on my lap.
Her eyes were swollen, cheeks puffy and red.
I had done this.
I had made her this upset.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I shouldn’t have put all of that on you.”
She swallowed as she stared at me, thumbs rubbing my knuckles. “I need you to be honest with me,” she said.
“Always,” I swore.
“When you met me, did you think I was her?”
“No. I didn’t even remember having a wife at the time.”
“Was the possibility that I was her… was that the only reason you wanted me after we found each other again?”
“No,” I promised.
“Do you love me? Or do you love me because you think I’m her?”
My jaw hardened at the question. A tear dropped down her cheek, and I reached up to wipe it away.
“I loveyou,” I whispered. “And I would love you whether you were her or not. I fell in love with you before I knew who you were, and it was important that you loved me before I told you about that connection.” I took her hand in mine, my thumb rubbing over the ring. “If you ask me to give up trying to find out what happened to you, I will,” I said. “Say the word, and I’ll forget it. All I want is to be with you.”
Chloe swallowed, sniffed back the tears threatening to fall, and stood. I watched her turn her back to me and stare out at the never-ending sky. Silence dwelled in the space, seconds ticking away slower than I’d ever felt them.
“No,” she finally said.
I stood but said nothing as she wiped her face harshly and inhaled a deep breath, then pressed her hands to her hips. “No, we’re going to that retreat,” she said as our eyes met, her voice shaking. “We’re going, and we’re going to find out who did this. Because while I may not remember a damn thing, somehow, I feel it. I feelyou. I feel the pain of losing you. I feel the joy of being with you. And I know I can’t have made it all up in my head. So, we’re going. And someone better have a good fucking explanation for why we just had to spendlifetimesapart.”
I stepped up to her, heart aching painfully as I cupped her cheek. She was trembling, but there was truth in her eyes, and she leaned into my touch.
“We'll find them,” I promised. "And they'll regret ever having looked at you."
CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT - CHLOE
MY NERVES WERE shot as we drove through the night and into the Mojave Desert. Gavin had a location on the invitation—longitude and latitude only, and it said to arrive precisely at either sun up or sun down or else risk not being able to get in.
He held my hand through some of the ride, and I could tell he was as nervous as I was.
“If at any point you want to leave, use your word,” he said. “I don’t care if it's the middle of the night or at dinner. We’ll leave.”
Every breath that entered my lungs wasn’t enough. I ended up yawning more times than I cared to admit, my body and mind short on oxygen as we continued driving. I kept looking toward the GPS on his screen, the minutes drawing longer and longer, or so it seemed.
