“Hell yeah, I did,” Lana said proudly. “Not the point, but after a few drinks, you said something that has stayed with me ever since. Do you know what it was?”
I remembered, and it knotted my chest. “I said, ‘I wonder if true love only finds you when you find yourself.’”
“You figured out who you were after that horrible relationship,” Lana said. “It was damn hard, but you did it. And then, when you least expected it, Gavin walked into your life. I know you think you weren’t ready for him then, but I think you were. You started to believe he was a just one-time find, and so then when you met Tyler, you settled because you had given up on ever seeing Gavin again. But Gavin is here. And you’re not happy. Why not give yourself a chance to actually be happy?”
I stared at her without a response, then picked up my wine and downed the entire glass. Lana was finishing her own when I grabbed my bottle to refill.
“Babe, if you had been happy the last few years, I’d be telling you to tell the supposed God of Lust to take a fucking hike and leave you the hell alone,” Lana continued. “Truthfully, I’d be calling and telling him to fuck off myself.”
“Sohowdo I do this? I don’t even know where to start.”
“Where is Tyler?” Lana asked as she opened up her laptop.
“He’s staying with Matthew tonight. They’re trying to figure this whole deal thing out. He’ll be back tomorrow night. I don’t know if he even realized how livid I was this morning.”
Lana didn’t speak immediately and instead typed away on her keyboard. “Okay. So you have almost a full day to pack.”
“And nowhere to go,” I muttered.
“Don’t worry,” she said. “I got you.” She hit a few more keys and toyed with the tracker pad for a few more seconds before smiling triumphantly at the screen. “Booked you at that boutique hotel on the surf you wanted to take me to.”
My heart was sinking further and further, my stomach weaving into a churning braid of fear and nausea.
“I’m genuinely doing this,” I whispered. “Icando this.”
Lana sighed as she closed her laptop. “Yeah,” she said softly. “Yeah, you can. Because you deserve to be over-the-moon, truly happy, not mediocre happy, and turned into someone you’re not.”
I took a long look around the condo. “I wish you were here,” I admitted.
Lana picked up the phone and held it closer. “So do I,” she said.
“Change your flight,” I almost begged. “Come for moral support, not to see me in a ridiculous dress.”
“Oh, I’ll see you in that dress,” Lana said. “You’re going to wear it while we jump off a cliff, and then we can burn it on the beach.”
“Twelve thousand dollar dress and we’re going to burn it?”
“It’ll be the most liberating thing you’ve ever done,” she said. “I’ll be sure your god is waiting for you back at the hotel.”
My heart fluttered at the thought of Gavin. “He told me he loved me today,” I said. “Even got on one fucking knee and asked me to marry him in Greece.”
Lana choked, nearly spitting up her entire drink. “He—whoa. What did you say?”
“I told him I needed time. This was after I told him about Aidan,” I added.
“You told him everything?”
“Most of it,” I said. “I wasn’t entirely prepared to tell him what happened when Aidan found me that summer. If Gavin is a god, I hate to know what kind of wrath he might bring down on someone for that.”
“Aidan deserves it,” Lana muttered. “How long did you tell him you needed?”
“I don’t know. A day?”
Lana slumped back in her chair with an exhausted groan. “Fuck all, Clo,” she grunted. “You’ve been blue-balled for weeks now. When did you even have sex last?”
“Like actual sex or….”
Lana’s brows raised. “I’m sorry. Have you been holding out secrets on me?”
