“Do you have something planned there?” she asked him, bringing him back to the present.
He gave her a small smile, unwilling to share his secrets. “Celebrations,” he said simply. “Winter Eyes night is a popular birthing night for the Blackhands.”
“Is that the celebration Hagen was telling me of earlier?”
Draven nodded. “You’ll enjoy it,” he said, practically seeing her in his mind during one—dancing with the random strangers, kicking back at their tables and drinking with the best of them, making people love her with the mere aura of her. He’d stand back and watch as perhaps she and Katla got in a dart war or she picked a fight with Dag for the fun of it. Her buying drinks for the entire tavern just because she could. He didn’t realize he had laughed out loud until she squeezed his hand.
“What’s so funny?” she wondered.
He shook his head and reached for her, his arms wrapping around her waist and pulling her hips flush with his. “I was thinking of how you’re going to fit in just fine there,” he sighed. “You might like it more than my forest.”
“Somehow I doubt that,” she argued.
He scoffed at her assurance, but dismissed it as her hands pressed to his chest. Moons’ light cascaded over the ocean and atop their figures as they settled in at that moment.
“What?” she asked, pulling back.
Draven sighed heavily, his hands entwining with hers. “This week… it’s been a dream I’m not sure I want to wake up from,” he whispered. “With you. My friends all in one place. Them meeting you. I—“
“Oh, did your friends approve of me?” she teased, grasping to his shirt. “Were you so worried they wouldn’t? I could behead them if they didn’t.”
He smiled and shook his head at her. “Wouldn’t you love that?”
“I’d swing the axe myself,” she grinned.
Her raven circled over them then, and he watched her glance up, bright eyes dilating at the comfort of whatever he had said to her. That familiar soft noise sounded from her when she spoke to him. His hands tightened on her hips as he remembered how he’d heard that noise so many times and not realized what it was. Years of secrets about the Queens’ abilities. The memory of her sitting with the Ulfram in her lap filled his mind. His favorite creature had looked after her as though she were one of his own. Perhaps the beast had known what she was destined to be.
His equal in every life.
“Tell me something…” he said then, almost swaying with her.
“Anything,” she whispered.
“The other night at the banquet… what were you thinking when you kissed me in front of everyone?” he asked, hoping her answer would help him know if his plan would be a fool’s plan or not.
Her throat moved, and he watched her face soften. A glisten rose in her fluttered gaze, and she looked out to the ocean for a brief moment before meeting his eyes again.
“After watching my youngers speak and interact with all the other races, my mind has been in a whirl. Dorian volunteering to rid the Infi on his own. Nyssa talking with the Nitesh, seeing how close she is getting with Bala, how Dorian trusts her and says she will be great in negotiations with the strangers… It all has me thinking about the future as I never have before,” she admitted quietly, and the way she spoke made Draven’s hands tighten around her waist.
“I have always simply lived day-to-day, knowing that each day just meant another day here. In this place. Trapped beneath the weight of these white walls and dreaming of feeling something other than the numbness of my heart. I have held this pressure in, held strong for Nyssa and Dorian, and endured so that they did not… I love my crown. I love my people. I love being Queen and…” She paused to take a jagged breath, obviously biting back the emotion threatening to surface.
“I have always put everything and everyone else first, as a good Queen should, but seeing those two mature this year has me thinking that maybe they don’t need me as much as they once did,” she continued, her voice cracking. “And that maybe…just once… I could put myself first. I could be happy—I couldallowmyself to be happy. I could put what I want first instead of worrying about the consequences of how it might end.”
The consequences.
He realized then she was worried about the Council’s reactions as well.
And yet, she’d declared her love for him in front of them anyway.
“I want you,” she whispered, a tear falling from her lashes as their eyes met. “I want every moment with you… No matter how long or short this time might be… You’re worth it.Iam worth it. The freedom, love, and happiness I have felt this last week are worth more than the secrets and pains this place holds. It’s time I let myself be free.”
Swallowing, he reached to her cheek and wiped the tear rushing down it. He wanted her to feel free too. He didn’t know what she continued to hide from him, but he wouldn’t push her to share it. He hoped one day she would trust him enough to let him in.
She blew out a deep breath then, smiling nervously despite herself, and she looked out to the ocean. A cautious laugh left her, soft and rare. She hiccuped as another tear streaked her cheek, and then she smiled at the sky a second to stifle her tears.
“Fuck—I’m a mess—“ she breathed, laugh hitching in her throat.
“Yeah, you are,” he teased, and she shoved his chest in response. He chuckled softly, moving a stray curl from her eyes. “A beautiful, strong, selfless mess,” he added as he held her jaw.
