THE MEETING WAS too short for Nyssa.
She didn’t like sitting at that table. She wouldn’t dare tell her sister she’d rather be standing than sitting beside her when she had placed her there on purpose.
She couldn’t see everything and it was killing her.
She’d been so on edge that when swords drew in defense of Aydra, she had blurted out some statement in defense of her that she had immediately regretted; however, everyone that mattered seemed to like the comment, and she’d relaxed when Nadir winked her way.
Nyssa stayed off to the side after the meeting with Bala while Dorian chatted with Hagen and the Bryn Elder about his trip up that way. She kept looking Rhaif’s way out of habit, assuming he would ask to see her in his study to discuss any movements she caught—which there had been a few—but he didn’t, and Nyssa couldn’t deny her heart sinking at his ignoring her.
She had things to tell him—to tellsomeone. Things she had seen. Lies the Council had told—including when they said they would send aid. She had been eager to speak with Rhaif, but now that he had disappeared, the things she’d seen were eating at her. Even the sight of Nadir staring her way again could not distract her. She started toying with the hem of her sleeve and shrinking into her own space.
When Rhaif left the room, Nyssa stared at that door as though Bard might come back through it to find her.
But he didn’t.
Did he not trust her anymore?
Who wassheto trust?
Whose side was she to be on?
She was suddenly wary of everyone standing in that room. Hyperaware of every clanking glass and every bellowed laugh. She looked around for Dorian, hoping he was near so she could talk to him as the room began to spin. Every noise of a handshake or clap on an arm startled her. The entire room felt on edge, even with declarations of peace and promises of aid. Nyssa wondered how none of them had noticed. How was she the only one who noticed the Dreamer captains not meaning their word? How had no one else seen Reid toying with her bracelets or caught Ash rubbing his wrists? How had no one noticed the wince the Bryn Elder took when Infi were brought up. How—
“I thought you were off to take a nap?”
Dorian’s voice made her jolt. She inhaled a sharp breath, realizing she hadn’t even been breathing, as he draped his arm around her shoulders and tore her eyes away from the closing doors. “I—what?”
She felt him tense at her side, apparently having caught where her eyes landed. “He probably just has a lot on his mind,” Dorian assured her. “He’ll call for you. What did you catch?”
Eager to tell someone, Nyssa’s mind went to how the Bryn Elder had acted off upon bringing up the Infi, but as she started to tell Dorian, Lex walked up.
“Little Eyes…” Lex drawled, lips hiding behind her cup, gaze traveling over their guests. “Care to share what you observed?”
But even as Nyssa opened her mouth to speak, two Blackhands approached them. They began speaking jovially to Dorian and Lex about the meeting and what they had planned for the afternoon—whether the group could do anything together or what entertainment they would find in the town. Dorian and Lex’s attentions turned from Nyssa to the fast conversations and great laughter. All thought and notion of whatever it was Nyssa had seen, now pushed to the side.
A surge of frustration pulled at Nyssa’s core. She was itching to speak about the things she’d seen. However, with so many people, and celebrations underway of a successful meeting, she found herself feeling smaller and smaller amongst the giants of the other races and their booming voices. Feeling suddenly uncomfortable and unworthy of her own thoughts and things she knew she could bring to the table.
Being dismissed because she was not as vocal or standing of her ground as the rest of them were.
Dismissed.
Ignored.
Jaw clenching, she pulled herself from under Dorian’s arm and told him she was getting a drink. He grinned and glanced over to the corner of the room where Nadir stood. He made a comment that she knew meant that he thought she would be sneaking away with the Commander while everyone was distracted.
But even Nadir was chatting with one of the Dreamer captains who he apparently knew, along with a few of his own men. Nyssa’s stomach knotted, all thought of the looks they’d shared during the meeting gone amiss, and all she wanted was to take a breath outside.
The room seemed to collapse in on her as she moved through the crowd. She felt as though all eyes followed her, though she knew no one was even giving her a glance. Frustrated tears pricked her eyes, and she cursed her own heart for feeling like this.
She had things to say.
Things to tell them.
But she couldn’t. She didn’t want to interrupt their happy conversations to tell them some of the deals had been blatant lies. She didn’t want to be looked at as though she were crazy and a liar. For someone to tell her to keep her mouth shut or that she was too pretty to be involved in the politics and should be more worried about her next date with one of the wealthier Dreamer sons.
By the time she reached the balcony, she couldn’t breathe. All she could see was the fidgeting of every person. The looks they gave each other. The side eyes and rolling of sleeves. Crossing arms and shifting hips. Even the distraction of her eagle landing on the corner of the banister didn’t help. She needed to tell someone—
Someone.
