To all his people, the display had been nothing more than a show of how helpless they thought her to be. Her falling into the ocean with the serpent, unable to speak to it. Their great Commander having to rescue her. Stories circulated around the village that Nadir had combated the beast, as people were sure they saw him emerge from the depths with blood on his sword.
Lies that Nyssa knew she couldn't deny. That not even Nadir could argue about without his people thinking he was merely taking up for her.
But they knew what had happened.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Lex asked her later as they sat on the porch.
"I didn't want you to be disappointed," Nyssa admitted. "One more failure. One more thing I cannot do that my sister excelled so incredibly at—“
"You should have told me."
"And said what, Lex?" Nyssa cracked. "By the way, I shut out the Noctuans while we were traveling because I was terrified to hear their screams?" She paused and shook her head, holding back her breakage. "How was I supposed to tell you that when everyone obviously wishes it were she here and not me? How was I supposed to allow you, someone who just lost their best friend and is being forced to look after someone like me, to look at me with such a failure?"
No words of argument came from Lex’s lips. Nyssa shook her head again and turned back to the ocean.
"I could not stand to see that exact look of disappointment on your face.”
"Nyssa, you're allowed to grieve," Lex argued.
"Am I?” Nyssa questioned, “Because the only time I've felt like I could was when I was with Dorian. I am a daughter of Arbina. A Princess of Promise. To grieve would be to show a weakness I should not carry.”
“And to not be able to use the abilities you were born with would be a worse fate.”
Nyssa held Lex's gaze for a solid moment, unsure of what to say next. She rubbed her neck with both hands, and the memory of the people talking about her on that beach swelled once more in her ears.
"Everyone is looking at me as nothing more than a burden, and I don't know how to change that. I don't know how to prove my worth to any of them," Nyssa admitted.
"We've been here three days," Lex said. "Tonight is the last night of the Deads. Your entire world was just flipped two weeks ago. Take a few more days to breathe and observe. It's okay to take time for yourself."
"Why are you so nice about this?"
"Would you rather I am mean to you?"
Nyssa considered it. "Yes, actually," Nyssa said. “I’m not used to you being considerate."
Lex looked as though she would laugh. "Okay. You can start showing your worth by training with me instead of standing on the beach and eye-fucking the Commander."
Nyssa's mouth nearly dropped, but she remembered she had asked for this treatment. "Fuck you, Lex."
Lex chuckled under her breath, shoulders seeming to relax slightly. “I—“
"I am fully aware that fucking the Commander is not how I prove anything," Nyssa affirmed. "Lust is not a cure for mental anguish or grief. Especially in his case. If his people find out about us, they—“
"You and I both know it is more than that," Lex cut in.
Nyssa groaned and wiped her face harshly beneath her hands. It certainly felt like more, though she couldn’t explain it.
“I don't know what it is…” Nyssa whispered. “And that that scares me. Because if itiswhat I think it is—“
"Hey—“ Nadir appeared from inside the house then, his gait slowing upon seeing them. He paused in front of her, and she couldn't figure out the expression on his face.
"Can we talk?" he softly asked Nyssa.
"I think she's had enough tonight, Commander," Lex said, protectively wrapping a hand around Nyssa's arm. "Save it for the morning."
"I don't recall asking your permission, Second Sun," Nadir said, the stern of his voice and glare making Lex tense beside her. "I am talking to Nyssari. If she wants to tell me I can save it for the morning, then she can. But you will not speak for her."
Nyssa had never heard anyone speak to Lex like that, and she half expected Lex to draw her sword or tell Nadir he could go fuck himself.
