“I don’t remember anything after telling them to get out,” she admitted.
“I thought as much,” he said. “You’ve never let me hold you to sleep… or help you onto a horse before… but it was like you weren’t there. A body moving but void of its core.”
Nyssa sank her head into her hands. “How could I be so stupid? I didn’t… I didn’t know what to do. It was so overwhelming. I panicked.” She gripped her hair as the failure hit her. “I just wanted to breathe.”
"It's okay, Nys," Dorian comforted her.
"But it's not," she argued. "I just meant to blockthem, and just for a few hours. Not block every creature all the time.”
"Perhaps you can try reaching out to them again tonight."
The thought made the blood drain from her face. "I don't... I don't know that they'll let me in. They probably hate me. I told them to leave me alone. They won't want to see me. How could they possibly trust me with anything again? And... Oh, what if theydon'ttrust me? What if they see me as a failure and a threat? What if—“
Dorian's hands pressed to her face again. "One," he repeated.
The word ceased her ramble, but it didn't stop every single drop of doubt from pouring through her head. She inhaled a deep breath with him, and Dorian sat back against the tree after.
“I don’t understand how you’re so well held together,” she managed after a few minutes. “I’m a complete mess, and you’re… well, you’reyou, as you always are.”
Dorian looked as though he would laugh—and then he pulled something from his pocket. A slim leather-wrapped glass jar. He opened it and shot a long gulp back before handing it to her and reaching into his other pocket, where he pulled his pipe and a small baggie of dark green herb.
“Secrets, sister.”
She could see the pain in his faux smiling eyes. It was the same pain he'd held in them when she went to him after Draven fell, that being the only other time he'd ever let it show. Even when Dorian had talked her down the night before Draven and Aydra's deaths, he’d appeared so stern and mature. It was the same the day after, when the pair had sat on the beach to discuss where they would go, what Draven’s plan had been. Even then, it was an anger that filled him, not grief.
She remembered the hit of the ocean breeze on her face as she’d watched him skip rocks over the water. They’d hidden around the bend, the cliffside wall at their backs. They’d hardly spoken that day as the echoes of the lies Dreamers had been told sounded while they helped clear debris and rescued people from the rubble.
“I can’t stop hearing her scream,” Dorian had admitted as he skipped a rock over the water.
“Neither can I,” Nyssa whispered.
She could see the taut of his stern jaw reflected back in the waning amber sunlight, his sun-kissed skin aglow with its warmth. With the sink of the last pebble, Dorian sighed and went to sit beside her, almost plopping onto the ground.
“You and me against the world, sister,” he repeated of her words from the night before. He pulled his knees into his chest, his arms hanging lazily over his knees.
“The moment we leave, we’ll be condemned,” she said. “Traitors to the crown.”
“I don’t think we have a choice,” he said. "If we stay, we'll be charged with that fate anyway. They know it was I who took Draven his horn."
“What was Draven’s plan?”
Dorian began to fumble with his fingers. She recognized the haze that washed over his eyes—almost like he was concealing his emotions with the matured facade he had picked up just over the last year. Something she was sure he’d learned from Draven on his travels with him.
“He always knew loving our sister would be the end of him, and he didn’t care,” he began. “He trusted Balandria to look after their people. He didn’t care about his death, as long as he got to spend his last days with her. He told me the day of the banquet what he needed from me. Pulled me aside with Nadir, who had brought him more news that morning.”
“What was it?”
“He told me ships had settled on the southwestern edge. That they had missed them in the last raid. But… Nadir didn’t have the manpower or supplies to take them on his own. Apparently, they’ve already begun a small settlement, with supply ships coming in once a week. He said he’d hidden it from Drae, knowing that if she’d known, she would have marched there on her own. They’ve been there a full Dead Moons cycle now. Possibly longer.”
Nyssa’s stomach tightened at the new information. “What did he want us to do?”
“He wanted us to go help Nadir come up with a plan. Negotiate a peace treaty with them if possible. Stop the shed of blood so that we could hopefully stay safe through the winter. If we attack now, we’ll be squandered. All we can do at this moment is hold them off. We’re not ready for a fight.”
Nyssa sighed her head onto his shoulder and stared at the setting sun. It was the last sunset she would see in her own kingdom for a while.
“We have a lot of work to do,” she realized.
“Yeah, we do.”
